


Pride Before the Fall

by sepulcherbat (0ddg0d)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bad Decisions, Bad Writing, Bullying, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Metamorphmagus, Pre-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Prodigy Harry Potter, Ravenclaw Reader, Reader is a member of the Black family, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, WIP, Work In Progress, bad writer, probably as bad as My Immortal, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:02:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28865217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0ddg0d/pseuds/sepulcherbat
Summary: We follow the journey of (Y/N) Black, cousin of Sirius Black, and her first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Here she will make new friends, experience new situations and sensations, but also overcome inner conflicts as well as her family. Luckily, she will befriend a known redhead, Lily Evans. However, meeting Lily, you were bound to meet the dark, brooding Slytherin, Severus Snape.Just how will things go?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Pandora Lovegood/Xenophilius Lovegood, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Reader, Severus Snape/You
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter I : First year | A new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning rewrite of Overthinker! I kind of like it better so far.  
> I sincerely hope those that liked/followed OT will enjoy this.  
> Lemme know what you think!
> 
> Any and all mistakes are my own as my works are unbeta'd.

Pride.

I've once heard a particular quote that pride is the crown of the virtues. 

A simple five-letter word, a singular emotion with so much power. 

An emotion that perplexes man with the duality of its nature. Yet, it is universal and just as distinguishable as other common emotions such as happiness and sadness. 

It has brought up the fall of many men throughout the ages, and it will continue to do so. In ways, just thinking about it astonishes and terrifies me. Pride has been the demise of grand civilizations, leaving them nothing more than a memory of their once monumental status. 

This is an emotion every single person as though the degree of passion varies. It could be over their physicality, intelligence, inheritance- almost anything really. 

Vanity can go so far as to having an indefinite amount of hubris over something as delusional as one's blood. 

Those delusions are a distraction. How a small achievement or ancient stature could make us ignorant and warp our judgment. We often live in the past because of it due to a fear of moving on and failure. Once a person boasts, they cannot stop. That is the moment where they can no longer be modest. Failure is not an option from there, so they cannot fail and learn and grow. 

So, they are ignorant of the truth, trapping themselves in the past because they wore the crown of pride for just a moment. 

I can vividly recall my younger years where that sort of hubris was always standing over me. Just how egotistical my family was or my classmates, especially in changing times we were living in. 

**_1st September 1971_ **

**_Platform 9¾_ **

Before I boarded the Hogwarts Express to the school of the same name, my father grabbed my shoulder with a bruising grip. "You are a Black, child. One of the last known exceptional wizarding families left. Most of the students nowadays are filthy half-bloods and blood traitors. They are all beneath you, less than the dirt we walk on." Father's face was stern with a piercing gaze that made me want to look away, but out of fear, I couldn't. 

"Unworthy of attending that school," Mother clicked her tongue in disgust. How her nose scrunched up with disdain as other children and their parents passed. "It's degrading just being in the same room as them, much less breathe the same air." She clicks her fan open, making a harsh snapping sound. "Honestly, what is Dumbledore, even thinking?" Mother continues, huffing behind her hand fan. 

"The old fool isn't thinking. No doubt Dumbledore has gone mad. Allowing mud-bloods to learn our secrets, our knowledge. Bad enough, they continue allowing half-breeds and blood traitors to attend this once prestigious school. Should have just left all our wisdom to other pure-bloods." Father snorts. 

Mum simply hums, approving, and agreeing with her husband's statements. From there, neither one of them says anything for a moment. To me, it felt like we were in our own world, a little bubble where time stopped for us while the rest of the world continued by. Time felt slow around us. The only thing grounding me at the moment was my father's hold, his thumb digging into my shoulder, and the unsettling stares from my parents. Not to mention, the atmosphere was tense. I felt like I was suffocating. It's like my heart jumped up to my throat, blocking access to any air. 

I wanted this moment to be over with. There was nothing I could say. I mean, what could you say to all of this? My mouth was dry, the awful sour taste of vomit in the back of my throat, so even if I had a response, the churning in my stomach would have objected. 

_Chooooooooooooo Choooooooooooooo_

_Choooooooooooooo!_

By the Stars' grace, I swallowed thickly as I felt like I could cry out of pure relief. Thank you, celestials, I silently prayed. 

" _All aboard!"_

"Dear, we should be off now. No need to make our little starlet miss the train for her first year." This seemed to have loosened father's grasp, but it left a throbbing ache, reminding my body of the iron-grip hold. 

"Ah, yes," he murmurs, more to himself. Father's dark-brown eyes seemed to have darkened more than usual as they give me a once over, scrutinizing me in attempts to burn my image into his skull. 

Licking my lips, I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't find my voice at that particular second. Hastily gulping in as much air as I could before being able to produce a sound. 

"... Yeah, yes, I should be going now. We wouldn't want me missing the train." I echoed my mother's interjection. "I... I will be sure to write to you," I promised timidly, just ready to find a seat on the train away from the two older Blacks. 

"I trust you won't disappoint us, starling. Failure and embarrassment will not be tolerated. You are a Black; you have an image to uphold not just for you, but for the whole family." 

His eyes narrowed down as each word was like a weight being added one after the other. It was evident that Ophiuchus Black was emphasizing just how important this was. How his and Aria's only daughter is their family's future, even as a child how she'll shape and influence their family image. 

"Yes, father..." My voice was weak as I verbalized my obedience. Once he felt satisfied, he and mother had left, without as much as a goodbye. They didn't even wish me the best of luck, a safe journey, or even look back to see me board the train. 

Just before climbing aboard, I glanced back where my parents once stood; my shoulders slumped down, but I knew I couldn't stand there forever. Not to mention it wouldn't have made me feel any better. 

Although I was amongst the passengers last to step onboard, I was lucky I found an empty compartment just before our departure, which was a huge relief. Solitude was something I desperately needed right now. Even if it was for five minutes, it would have been better than none at all. 

I sunk into my seat, closing my eyes and letting forth a tired sigh. 

Yet, I still couldn't shake my parents out of my mind.

The constant reinforcement of our 'superiority' and not to mention the added pressure of preserving our family's public image.

_Toujours Pur_

_Always Pure_ , our family motto. 

"Ugh." I groaned as I rubbed my temple; it was throbbing as if it was being knocked on. It started off much like a sequence of tapping. 

_"Remember, starling, blood is everything."_

Father's words echoed in my head, thumping louder and louder by the passing second. 

"Excuse me, hello? I'm sorry to bother you." 

I pushed myself up, blinking as I looked towards my compartment door, realizing someone was there. "I hope they don't mind," the same voice spoke quietly, which I could make out to be female. With the next moment, the door slid open to reveal the speaker, a girl about my age, more or less. 

Everything about her was, in the simplest terms was brilliant. 

She had tresses of fire and a smile that reached up to her eyes, which had to be her most distinctive feature. They were wide, twinkling, and a unique hue that one could never forget. Her clothes didn't suit her. It felt like another person like these weren't her clothes but something she borrowed. Her clothes were a simple knee-length navy dress patterned with various flowers and a pair of dirty white sneakers. 

Yet the longer I stared at her, the more it came together. 

"Hello, again, I am sorry to have bothered you, but is this compartment full?" Listening to her voice, it felt somewhat like a bell. Loud and clear. However, it wasn't unpleasant. 

"Oh, no. You weren't a bother," I dismissed any worry she might have had with a smile. "It's just me here." It might have just been me, but I felt that she perked up as soon as I informed her there was room. 

"Would it be alright if we sit with you? All of the other compartments are full... or the other passengers are, let's just say, total toerags." There was a bright shine in her eye, and if I had to be honest, I didn't think I could have refused her anyway, though who is this 'we?' 

"Uh, yeah, sure," I nodded before pausing, realizing there was another person. My curiosity getting the better of me, I couldn't help but cock my head to the side, trying to take a peek at this other person or persons. A sudden failed to contain giggle pulled me out of my interest. Glancing back, the girl in front of me had a broad smile. It was like a mother catching a child, and I couldn't help the embarrassment that overcame me. 

As soon as she caught me, I sunk into my seat and averted my gaze as heat rushed to my face. "Ah, um, so who else is here then?" 

But before the redhead could respond, a new voice spoke out. This time it was definitely a boy. "Come on, Lily. Let's go. I'm sure we'll find an empty compartment for both of us. We don't need her or anyone else." 

Ouch. That was pretty harsh. 

"Sev, wait!" The girl called Lily called out, hastily making her way out, no doubt chasing her friend. She seemed way more likable than him.

Despite that, I wasn't going to hold his abrasiveness against her. Jumping on my feet, I swiftly followed after them almost halfway down the hall to the door leading to the next cart. "Hold on!"

The duo had stopped, but only Lily looked back, slightly taken back that I chased after them. My eyes darted between her and her friend known as 'Sev,' nervously wetting my lips, I managed to speak. "I- I don't mind if you both join me. In fact, I would actually like the company." 

Lily seemed excited though I couldn't tell what her friend was thinking with his back towards us with his hand resting on the door. "Sev, come on, please?" It was clear the redhead wanted and hoped he'd cave in. 

I cross my arms, holding on for dear life because I didn't know what to expect, especially with this unbearably long pause of silence. The silence was suddenly interrupted by a loud sigh. "Fine, if it'll please you," Sev begrudgingly muttered. 

And here we were, in my compartment with the pair sitting across from me. Compared to before, I was able to get a good look at Sev, and now I could see just how different the two are. 

He was paler than Lily, almost sickeningly so. While her eyes were bright, wide, and full of life, his eyes were sullen and black. Even his hair was the same shade of black. 

Lily resembled a bright summer day; she was everything fresh and warm. While Sev was a dark winter night; puzzling, cold, but mysterious and captivating. 

Not to mention, I didn't exactly have any friends at all, despite being from a well-known family. Most of the people I've met were during family events or invitations sent to us. Everyone at those events was well above my age. The only friend I've had was back home in France, my childhood friend, Chandler Veilleux, but it's been some time since we've last seen one another. No doubt, he doesn't remember me. 

So for me, this is my chance to change things. Plus, who knows, maybe I'll be lucky and be in the same house as one of them, and at least I'll know one person than none at all. 

"Thank you for letting us join you. We both appreciate it," Lily smiled, speaking for the two of them. The male scoffed, pulling out an old worn down book. I squinted, trying to make out the fading engraving, only making out a few letters, p-tio--s? For a brief second, I considered asking him what he was reading. Still, I decided against it as Lily continued to speak. 

"As you've already heard, my name is Lily, Lily Evans," she formally introduced herself with an extended hand. Rather than immediately handshake her hand, I stared at her hand, slightly wary due to adults' shaking hands at those occasions. Their grip was always cold and tight; it often felt a coil of nausea in my stomach. 

When our hands made contact, I couldn't help but to slightly jump in my seat. How Lily's shake differed, it was warm, soft, and light. And then she squeezed my hand, not clamping down on my hand. It was just a light, friendly squeeze that lasted for a second. 

There was something inside of me that just couldn't resist returning the gentle compress. Looking up, our eyes made contact, and we both smiled at one another until we eventually shared a small giggle. 

A sudden scoff had made me realize there was still another person here. "Oh right, the brooding bookworm sitting next to me here is Severus Snape. My best friend. I call him Sev for short, though," Lily explain since it seemed that he wasn't going to speak, at least to me. 

My gaze shifted from bright-eyed girl to the boy who has been silent since he sat down. His clothes were monochromatic, primarily black and blue. They were slightly oversized or just worn down and missing parts. 

There was had a slightly dated look to them as well. I couldn't help but just see more and more differences between the two friends. 

Compared to their state of attire, I knew I was far better off than they were, which had made me feel guilty. It wasn't that I was judging them or what their status maybe, but just an observation, perhaps mother's judgment in appearance is rubbing off on me? 

No! 

It is not! 

You will be nothing like her or father! 

You don't care what they are wearing, clothes don't make a person! Someone could wear the ugliest thing and have a beautiful soul while someone dressed expensively has a rotten heart. Clothes are just a mask. 

I was determined to become friends with these two. 

"My name is (Y/N) Black. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I hope we'll become good friends," I beamed. 

"It's nice to meet you, (Y/N)! I'm sure all three of us will become the bestest of friends." Lily grinned. Though I barely knew her, it felt so genuine. She seemed like a talkative, kind girl who wants to be friends with everyone but isn't scared to say her piece. 

For the next few hours of our journey, Lily and I chatted with each other freely. Severus didn't talk at all other than making the acknowledging sounds with 'hm' or a grunt. Yet, I didn't mind it because I could see he wasn't much of a talker anyway. 

The only moment he really spoke was when I had gotten us snacks and other treats from the kind trolley woman. It was easy getting Lily to take whatever she wanted while Severus, on the other hand, was so against it. Lily spent nearly twenty minutes bothering him to get him to grab something, anything from the pile of various goodies. 

I think the most memorable part was when Lily and I had both gotten a chocolate frog. What made it really funny was when our frogs leaped from their containers onto Severus's head. 

How they croaked, it had made him put his book down. Lily immediately burst into a fit of laughter, which was contagious though the moment was already funny. Although I giggled alongside my newfound friend, I tried to keep it contained, occasionally clasping my hands over my mouth. Snape already doesn't seem to like me, so I didn't want to anger him because I don't know how he'd react. 

Severus's annoyance was quite clear; anyone could tell with how his lips pressed together into a firm line and how his eyes narrowed. 

Lily and I watched as he slowly raised his arms, ready to capture the magical treat. As soon as he was prepared to cup them, they had leaped from his head. From there, they hopped their way out of the compartment and into the hallway to who knows where. 

Soon enough, our laughter died down, letting silence fill the air. No one said anything. At this point, it's mainly Lily that does the talking. I just listen and make comments and some replies and Severus only listens and acknowledges. 

"Ahem," I cleared my throat, gaining the attention of my two companions. Under their gazes, I couldn't help but feel flushed. "Woah, what's up with your hair, (Y/N)?!" Lily's eyes double in size. 

"My hair?" I scratched my head. "What abou-" I stopped in my tracks as I had raked my hand through a lock, noticing what Lily was referring to. The strand in my grasp differed from my usual white waves. The wavy tress in my palm was gray gradient pink with the ends curled in. 

The shift in my hair's color wasn't a surprise to me. "This is normal, actually," I laughed. Lily was still confused, though.

"I'm a metamorphmagus. I was born as one; it's impossible to try and become one. Metamorphmagi are astronomically rare. It means we have the remarkable ability to change our appearance at will," I clarify what I am and what it means. 

"Wow! So you can just change your whole look? That's so amazing!" Lily awed.

Yeah, it is pretty impressive, but I never got to fully enjoy it. At least not in the company of my family, perhaps when we get to Hogwarts, I'd be able to enjoy it more. I hope. 

"We should be changing into our robes now." Severus abruptly stated before getting up and leaving Lily and me in the compartment. My eyes lingered on the seat next to Lily; the only thing there now was Severus's old book. I wouldn't call it staring, but in every sense, it was. They couldn't help but remain focused, unmoving, and unblinking at that peculiar spot. 

"I'm sorry." 

That snapped me out of my trance, Lily apologizing out of the blue. "Why are you, sorry? You haven't done anything warranting an apology." The redhead gave a sympathetic smile. "About Sev. I know he hasn't been the friendliest to you, but I hope you don't hold that against him. He just... doesn't really trust anyone." 

Except for you, clearly. Severus is clearly close and fond of Lily. So far, he's doing things to please her, which included sitting here with me. 

"Hopefully, in time, he'll warm up to you, then you'll see that he isn't that bad." Yeah, I hope so too. For now, we'll have to just make it work. 

The door slid open, revealing the ravenette now clad in his Hogwarts uniform. "I guess I'll go change next," Lily stood up and left, just leaving Severus and me alone with an unbearable silence I found deafening. 

If we were in a room, not inside a train with Severus, I was positive no matter how hard you strain your ears to hear anything, you wouldn't hear a sound. Total sound deprivation. 

Outside of the running tracks and slight movement from the occupants, I could faintly hear my heart beating in my ears. He was one of those people whose thoughts you couldn't predict, added to the fact he wasn't a talker, nor did he like me. The only opinion I had was to initiate the conversation. 

Stars. It's just talking, yet it felt like an impossible task. Swallowing down my nausea, I looked up at the ravenette. "So, Sev-" When he turned his attention to me, our eyes almost immediately connected. His face was stern, emotionless, but his raven-eyes were oddly hypnotic even though they were penetrating my very soul. 

"Don't. Call. Me. Sev," he emphasized abrasively. "Lily may want to be your friend, but I don't. I'm no fool. You're just lucky Lily is such a kind and friendly person, wanting to befriend everyone." Everything he just said cuts deep. Each word, every following sentence cuts more in-depth than the last. 

Holding further eye contact became impossible, I settled my gaze on the floor. Only for a split second did I glance up to see what the ravenette was doing; reading. 

I shut my eyes, cupping my hands at my forehead, resting my elbows on my knees. This was my attempt to hide from the reading boy, an effort to avoid crying in his direct line of sight. Any loose tears, I did my best to blink them away as quickly as they came. 

"I'm back!" Lily burst into the compartment; her chipperness was a bizarre change in the current atmosphere. "Is.... is everything okay?" I felt a hand on my shoulder. No doubt, it was Lily. 

"Y-yeah. Everything's grand. I.. I'm going to go change now." I stood up, hiding behind my hair with my eyes still glued to the floor as I hastily made my way to the lavatory. Once I was there, I locked the door behind me with my back against the door, sliding down to the ground into a fetal position. The only sense of security I was granted was being left alone, curled into, and hugging myself. 

Today was supposed to be an exciting day, but so far, I feel so frustrated. I tried my hardest to hold it in, but there was only so much before you hit that breaking point. 

At first, I was able to blink away the tears and sniffle my nose to avoid the runniness. When I couldn't find a way to stop, they kept flowing freely until my eyes were hurting and swelling, while my nose was overflowing with snot. Oh, stars and moon, I'm such a mess. 

While I wanted to stay here and take my time, I knew I should clean myself up and get dressed before Lily might come looking for me. Getting up was a bit of a struggle as I felt my legs were numbing from their position, but I eventually found my balance. 

In the mirror, my reflection showed me with flat black hair and puffy, red-rimmed eyes. Snot clung onto the tip of my nose, which I grimaced before finding some tissue to clean up the gross mess. Even after trying my best to clean myself up, anyone could clearly see I was crying with my bloodshot eyes and how stuffy my nose is. 

Once I changed into the black robes with my hood pulled on, I dragged myself back to the compartment, ignoring my companions. From there, I nestled myself deep into my corner seat, hiding in my robes before closing my eyes. Hopefully, sleep would take me for the remaining time of our journey. 

As soon as I opened my eyes, I couldn't help but squint at the brightness of the light. Looking out the window beside me, the train was steadily coming to a halt, signaling our arrival. From King's Cross Station Platform 9¾ to Hogsmeade station, nine hours straight on the train, we've finally made it around 8 p.m. I was exhausted, and I was ready to just collapse. However, we still had another journey to the castle and the sorting hat ceremony. As much as I wanted to lay in bed, it would have to wait a bit longer. 

"Finally! We're getting off the train. I need to get out of here!" Lily exclaimed, jumping up from her seat as soon as the train stopped. From there, we gathered whatever carry-on items and made our way out of the train. Following the dozens of other students off, it seemed that all the older students already knew where to go, leaving all the first years confused.

That's when a rough yet boisterous voice broke out, "All firs'-year students follow me!" The voice came from an incredibly tall, stocky man with an abundance of hair from his long locks to his beard blending into something almost like a course curtain. He stood in the middle of the platform with a lantern in hand. "I am Rubeus Hagrid, games keeper, as well as yer guide to Hogwarts," Rubeus explained, gathering the new students while making sure that there were no stragglers. 

"We'll be takin' the boat across the lake, so if ye follow me, we'll be in, in no time." He nodded as he began guiding us down a different path from the upperclassmen. It was a dirt path leading us to the Black Lake, where boats were waiting for us. Hagrid helped students get situated on each ship, limiting four students per boat.

Luckily, I was still with Lily and Severus when we got down to the docks. Our fourth companion was another girl; she had dirty blonde hair with a golden undertone. She said nothing at all when she sat down with us. Behind her dark brown glasses with beautiful silvery eyes, not like my cousin Sirius, they were blue but cloudy with gray. Lily and Severus sat towards the boat's front end while this girl and I sat in the back. 

The redhead girl just took in the scenery before her in wonderment, even if the lake was somewhat foggy. Perhaps she was just looking at each of the vessels moving by with their lanterns at the very front end, lighting the way almost like fireflies. Still, I could just feel the excitement rolling off of her, and to be honest, it was rather pleasant seeing someone so happy like her. It actually made me smile. 

Looking to my side at the nameless girl, I saw she was staring at me so unexpectedly. "Uh.. hello there," I awkwardly waved. She gave a toothy smile and a soft laugh. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare." 

"No, no. It's fine! My name is (Y/N) Black. And you are?" She took my hand into hers, "It's nice to meet you, (Y/N). I'm Pandora Pyxis. I look forward to the year with you." I gave her a nod and a smile. "Likewise, Pandora." 

After the brief yet strange introduction, Pandora fell back into silence, almost like she wasn't here. However, I didn't mind. For a moment, my focus shifted to the lake, where I brought my fingers against the top surface. The water was ice cold as they graced and parted the top of the lake. Withdrawing my hand from the waters, I glanced up to where I could visibly see the castle and the majesty and magic it held. A breath I didn't know I kept escapes me as I took in the prestigious school's image. While I didn't express my excitement externally, I was just as ecstatic as Lily but just as nervous about starting. 

Not much one can do but make the best of what we have and what we are given. 

Here goes nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧


	2. First year: Sorting Ceremony | Houses Divided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of chapter one, you finally arrive in the most prestigious school for wizards and witches from there comes the traditional sorting ceremony. Will you be in the same house with any of your newfound friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think of some of the slight changes!  
> I'll be continuing this for all the chapters of Overthinker, which will have editing to it and work from there.   
> My works are unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.

After slowly swaying against the water's surface, the castle view grew larger at every passing second. It seemed after catching the breathtaking glimpse of the enormous castle; the boat became mysteriously speedy as it held its course. Eventually, the ships passed under by the school, reaching an old, spacious stone boathouse with dozens of windows. 

Hagrid's boat was the first to dock into the port. Once he was on the platform, his ship had shifted on its own, going back the way it came, pushing through the dark and icy waters of the Black Lake, fading into the fog. From there, all of the first year boats had followed suit, each vessel shifted into a single file line, each passenger waiting to get off. 

"Up ye go now," Hagrid smiled as he helped Lily off our boat. The giant attempted to give Severus a hand, but he just scowled it off before getting off on his own. "Lemme help ye lasses," Hagrid kindly assisted Pandora and me off, which we both gratefully accepted. 

It took quite a bit of time before everyone was on the docks. Still, once everyone was off, Hagrid led us towards a stone entryway illuminated by low hanging lanterns.

We had walked down a corridor until we were in an open hallway. "Aigh' up these steps," Hagrid pointed to the white marble steps that visibility came into view in the hall, granted it was the only other way for us to go than the way we came. "Ye'll be meetin' Professor McGonagall to help ye out. I'll be seein' ye around." Hagrid gave a hearty laugh as he left the way we came.

Once the Games Keeper was gone, it was utterly silent. Each of the first-years took a brief moment to look amongst one another, wondering what to do before they finally decided to ascend up the steps. 

Here I chose to stick as close as I could to my boat companions: Lily, Pandora, and Severus. Lily walked ahead of us by a few paces, enthusiastically conversing with a fellow first-year girl with blonde hair. My attention didn't last long, though, since I didn't feel that the other girl was really distinctive or memorable enough. Plus, it's not like I was in that conversation anyway, so it's none of my business. 

Was that bad of me to say it like that?

Regardless, I found my focus shifting to Pandora, who was walking by my side. She seemed to be in her own world, though, out of focus. Probably best to leave her be... 

From there, I found myself wondering about a particular raven-haired male.

Severus.

Speaking of the distant boy, I glanced back, seeing him walk alone. His hands gripping the ends of his robe sleeves while looking at the ground, mindlessly walking. 

This seemed like the perfect opportunity to walk with him and strike up a conversation. It would be the opportunity to know him personally like I knew Lily since the train, and no doubt will be the same with Pandora. 

But flashbacks of the train ride come into mind, mainly when it was just the two of us in the small compartment. How Severus explicitly expressed how he didn't trust me, or like me and most clearly didn't wish to be my friend. 

At the same time, I took into account what Lily said, how guarded he is. 

Swallowing down my anxiety, I stopped in my tracks only to resume them to match Severus's pace. It took a lot of nerves for me to glance over at the ravenette, wondering if he's noticed me next to him. 

The moment I looked over at him, our eyes made immediate eye contact, which embarrassingly enough made me feel a bit flustered. When the heat of embarrassment washed over me, I turned away to break the connection. Only after taking a breath and clearing my throat, I timidly checked back with him, where he was still staring at me with an annoyed look. 

"Are you going to say something, or do you just plan to look at me every other minute like a madman?" His tone matched his expression, annoyed and callous. 

Just like that, any chances I had at making a better impression with the pale boy were gone. There was a hollow feeling in the pitch of my stomach, a sense of nausea caught in my throat. 

When I didn't respond, he scoffed and turned his focus on walking in silence. 

"-Sorry. I-I just thought I'd check in with you, see how you're doing," I blurted out, each word getting quieter than the last. Yet, it was still loud enough for him to hear. "Because... um, you know, you seem sort of tense... To me anyway! Is it because you're nervous?" I found myself fiddling with my fingers, unconsciously popping each digit. 

We both stared at one another, our eyes making that intense connection once more. They were dark, wholly focused, and then his jaw was visibly clenched. 

"I am not tense. You're just passing your own feelings off on me," Severus snorted. Was I really, though?

"Harebrain," I heard him murmur. "Exactly as mad and jumpy as a hare, too." Ouch. There go my feelings... 

We made it to the top of the steps just moments after Severus had essentially called me strange and nervous. He isn't wrong, but did he really have to say things like that? 

At the peak of the marble stair was a woman. So, this must be Professor McGonagall Hagrid mentioned awhile ago. She was clearly on the mature side, tall, and she looked and held an air of strictness. The professor was clad in emerald velvet robes and a large black hat that was somewhat crooked on one side. 

From where we were standing, it felt like McGonagall was a hawk looking down at its prey. Her lips were pursued, making her lips almost nonexistent. Frankly, that would be something you couldn't focus on since it felt like she was already judging you. 

"Welcome to Hogwarts. Now, in a few moments, you will pass through these doors," she explained. "And join your classmates, but before you can take your seats, you must be sorted into your houses. There are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Now, while you're here, your house will be like your family, your triumphant will earn you points. Any rule-breaking, and you will lose those points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup. The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily." McGonagall concludes once she made sure we all understood what she said, she turned and walked through the doors. 

None of this was news to me. I already knew all of this. The thing I know most importantly was the house I didn't want to be sorted into. _Slytherin_.

Traditionally, the Black family sorted into Slytherin, so being classified into anything else might expose how I disagree with our family views. 

It's challenging yet so easy to just imagine how disappointed they'd be, how angry they can be. Would they go so far as to label me a blood traitor? Disown me? All because I couldn't and wouldn't be in Slytherin? That's precisely what I cannot be, what I refuse to be even though this is my family. The Black family is cruel, ignorant, and possesses a significant superiority complex. Blacks do not have values; honor, honesty, bravery; none of those things meant anything to them. 

Blood purity. 

That is the only thing Blacks care about. Just what kind of legacy is this or lack thereof? 

It's madness, and I am not blinded or delusional. One cannot live in the past forever. 

The only thing I can focus on is the present. I pray the stars are on my side, sorting me in one of the three other houses. I am desperate enough to take any one of the three. Just not _Slytherin_.

"Ugh." These thoughts are overwhelming and stressful; I could feel a dull pain pulsating at the center of my temple. I nursed my head against my hand, pressing into my temple as if it could stop the pounding. I already felt dreadful enough just combing through the reality of how crap my family is. The sharpening pain just didn't help whatsoever. Still, I guess luckily for me, the professor returned.

"We're ready for you now. Follow me." She turned around, walking through the doors she just came from. All the first-years followed her at her heels, much like baby ducks tailing their mother. 

In a twinkling of an eye, all of us first-years walked into the castle's main hall, making way to a set of large wooden double doors. As the mature witch continued her strides, the doors opened on their own to reveal the bright inside. There was an enormous hall with four long vertical tables that stretched from one end of the room to the other. All four of these tables had to have had hundreds of students sitting there, watching us. Truthfully, it was kind of nervewracking to feel the gaze of so many eyes. 

Instead of letting my nerves get the better of me, I decided to focus on the great hall's aspects like the ceiling. Dozens of candles floated above our heads, but there was also a charm on the top. Above it was meant to appear as a beautiful cloudy, starry night. Clearly bewitched. 

On the opposite end of the room was a long horizontal table, where the headmaster himself and Hogwarts staff sat. We were presented before the steps leading to the staff table, where a wooden stool stood in between us with an old leather pointed hat. 

"Now, before we begin, Professor Dumbledore would like to say a few words." The green-clad professor explained, giving the floor to the headmaster. The male professor rose from his ornate chair, "I have a few start-of-term notices I wish to announce. First-years, please note that all students are ban from entering the dark forest. Mr. Filch, the school caretaker, has asked me to remind students that the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. Thank you." Dumbledore concludes then proceeds to sit down once more. 

"Now, when I call your name, you will come forth. I shall place the Sorting Hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your house," McGonagall explains as she unravels her scroll. Everyone within the great hall is full of anticipation, wondering what newcomer will be joining what house family.

"Peter Pettigrew," the professor called out, looking at the group of first-years. A husky boy with reddish-brown hair and ratlike features hesitantly walks forward towards the stool. Once he finally sat on the seat, the hat perched on his head, it wasn't long before it shouted out, "Gryffindor!" 

The inhabitants of one of the four tables erupted in cheers as Ratface made his way over. 

Wait...

Is it wrong of me to call him Ratface? The answer was more than likely yes since it is rude, but he does have ratlike features. I would have the mindset of a 6-year-old if I were honest with myself.

At the same time, McGonagall continued with the list, "Blaise Mulciber." A dark-haired boy with a smug look on his face approached the stool and had sat down as Ratface had done. Immediately the Hat declared Mulciber in Slytherin. 

The list had gone on and on, name after name. 

Axon Avery, Slytherin.

James Potter, Gryffindor.

Xenophilus Lovegood, Ravenclaw.

Remus Lupin, Gryffindor.

It was easy to just zone out mentally checking out of the ceremony. Personally, I didn't see the point in paying attention since I don't know anyone. For me, only three people mattered; Pandora, Lily, and Severus.

Only when McGonagall called out Lily's name did I reconnect with the situation, seeing the redhead sitting on the stool with a distressed look.

"Gryffindor!"

Lily looked relieved. She had a broad smile as she practically skipped to her house table. From there, she turned to me with a wave and her charming smile before conversing with her newfound house. 

Now it was just Pandora, Severus, and I who awaited our sorting. 

Speaking of Severus, looking over at him, I noticed how still he stood; it was similar to a statue. He stared off into the distance with a blank look that was almost borderline sad. That was until I realized what- who he was looking at.

_Lily._

"Severus Snape." As soon as his name was called, he had snapped out of his stupor and proceeded to the stool. Not even two minutes had passed when the hat rested on his head when it shouted that dreaded name. 

_Slytherin._

Despite my unease for Salazar's house, I wasn't going to let that prevent me from befriending the dark boy. Come what may.

I took one last look at Snape sitting at his house table, alone and silent, just staring longingly at a particular redhead. 

"Sirius Black."

There he is, my cousin, Sirius. When it came to him, eye-rolling felt natural. He's kind of when I say sort of, I mean he is a git—a real pain in the arse. He isn't exactly the most well-liked member in the family though I doubt he could care less. 

My relative sauntered his way up to the Sorting Hat, which invoked yet another eye-roll since he's just doing it to be a dramatic prat if anything. 

Even though I'm not the fondest of my cousin, I was interested in his sorting. Unlike the others, it took a few minutes like the hat was deliberating just where exactly to put him. 

"Gryffindor!"

The look on Sirius's face just showed how joyous and relieved he was with his assigned house. It was like he got what he asked for. Anyone could see it with how he practically ran his way to the lion house table, sitting with familiar faces like Potter, Lupin, and Ratface. I mean, Pettigrew. 

Bloody Hell.

Oh damn it all, at this rate, he'll just be Ratface. 

"(Y/N) Black." 

Oh, Stars...

Stars! That's me she just called. This was the moment I was anxious for, and it had finally come. 

Now it was my turn to sit in the center with all the eyes on me—the nervous anticipation of just where I'll be housed. Just not Slytherin, please Stars. My body was rigid and full of apprehension. I took small steps to the stool, trying to prolong an inevitable and necessary situation. 

Once I felt the hat's weight on my white locks (were they even white right now?), it had petrified me. At least until it had spoken. " My, my another Black in our midst. Hmm...," the Hat mused, reveling in my uncomfortableness. "Just what to do with you? It could undoubtedly fair well like previous Blacks before you in Slytherin. With them, you could achieve everything you've ever wanted and more. There are ambition and something else hidden in the depths inside of you," it continued with its evaluation, or was it a way to convince me? 

I shouldn't listen to the Sorter since I knew how I felt and stand by my convictions. I do not want to be in Slytherin. While I am trying not to shamelessly hate Salazar's house, it was somewhat tricky, all things considered. There have been several known things from their house that has been less than honorable. Not to mention being raised by an ancient family line of Slytherins trapped in the medieval ways. It'd made anyone want to run away and to take whatever opportunity they are given as a way out. One cannot merely let that moment slip through one finger.

This decision is my own, to liberate me from such constricting, arrogant expectations and living. What is the point of living if I cannot live my own life? Make my own choices even if they are mistakes, or my own judgments even if they aren't the smartest or best. 

Perhaps this is why Sirius took a moment with the Hat as well. He must feel the same way. I was pretty sure about it. 

"Hm... fine... very well then. Perhaps you'll find yourself in..."

" _RAVENCLAW!_ "

By Merlin, my heart is wildly palpitating, but I'm ecstatic with the hat's decision; thank you, Sorting Hat and my lucky Stars! 

Though I felt that it was rather unexpected for me to be a Ravenclaw, that doesn't matter. Home can be found in the most unassuming places, but most of all, home is where and what you make of it. 

Passing cheering housemates, I managed to find an empty seat where I watched the last few students be housed. To my luck, Pandora was housed with me in Ravenclaw, I was glad. As the sorting ceremony had concluded, Dumbledore clapped his hands and said, "Let us feast." 

Foods of all kinds had appeared on the table, and everything looked and smelled heavenly. Thoroughly looking through the various options for a moment, I just started plating foods I usually would eat. Most of the conversations I was a part of were mainly welcoming pleasantries or mundane questioning, such as our thoughts. Is there anything we expect, blah blah—those sorts of things. Primarily something out of politeness, I'm sure. However, nevertheless, it was still gratifying since everyone is delightful, engaging, and just friendly overall. 

I stole the few occasional glances of my friends like Lily, who was laughing and enjoying herself. Meanwhile, when I turn my focus to a specific ravenette male, it was the opposite of the redhead. It was like he was disinterested from what I could see; happy was clearly off the table. He'll feel better tomorrow, I hope. 

As if he was detecting a gaze, he looked up and met my stare. Very much like a hare, he's called me, I couldn't help but hop up in my seat. Anytime we've made eye contact, I always felt drawn in but also so anxious. Around him, my cheeks have always been rosy and flushed as of late. Perhaps I am mad. 

But if I am, then so be it with that I gave the gloomy boy a smile. 

The Slytherin boy stares back at me with knit brows before shaking his head and resetting his attention on his food, which he pushed around idly. It was only the constant glances at one particular girl that didn't seem so drab in his world. 

There was only one person on his mind, and I knew who it was, but I just couldn't help the exhale that escapes me as I glance back at that person too.

Lily Evans.

And just like that dinner was concluded, prefects from the four houses stood out in the main corridor, collecting their respective housemates. We were instructed to follow them to learn where our common rooms and dormitories were. Just like that, all the students had branched off, going different ways. 

My house prefect led us to the west end of the castle, known as Ravenclaw Tower. We stopped before a grand blue door with an arched top and a shining bronze eagle-shaped knocker that our prefect knocks on before stepping back. My fellow peers were stumped as they looked to our upperclassman, wondering what was supposed to happen. Out of the corner of my eyes, I had caught a glint from the knocker. The eagle then became animated. 

The bird's small bronze head tilted as it looked at us before it suddenly spoke, "a woman shoots her husband then she holds him underwater for over five minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But five minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?"

My brows furrow at the perplexity at opening our common room, we had to answer riddles? If we get it wrong, would we have to wait for someone else to get it? I frowned. 

She shot him. 

She held him underwater. 

Then hung him.

Logically, if she had done all of that and they proceed to enjoy a meal together later on, then she couldn't have harmed him. 

It had taken me a moment before I finally came up with an answer.

Photo. It had to be that, right? What else could it possibly be?

"She's a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed the photo, then hung it to dry." 

A second passes by, and then two, but still nothing happened. 

Nothing happened; the knocker said nothing; in fact, it stopped moving in general. 

Was I wrong?

Running a wary hand through my hair, I glanced around, and that's when I noticed that the eagle was no longer bronze. Instead, the formerly copper bird had suddenly turned into a crystal, revealing to us the room it hid. 

Merlin!

The delayed opening had me perplexed and slightly humiliated because I thought I had gotten the riddle wrong. Relief slowly overcomes the negative emotions I was feeling. From there, we were given a grand tour of the tower and the dorms. My exhaustion immediately caught up with me; everything was a total blur once we were inside. I'll have to enjoy the beauty and intricate details of Ravenclaw Tower another time. At most, I remembered Pandora bedding next to me and changing into a white frilled nightgown just before collapsing in bed with fatigue. 

It's been such a long day, and tomorrow will probably be longer. Ugh.

There was no point in worrying about it any further tonight.

A conscious, responsible me will have to worry about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> Hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy!  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧


	3. First year: Nightmare | First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seemed even in dreams there's always something happening, leaving you confused and just as disgusted as you feel about the blood purity fanatics, including the Black family. At least the only moment of relief comes in the form of a little childhood friend that'll be with us at Hogwarts. 
> 
> And unfortunately despite another attempt at befriending a particular boy, it doesn't work out as well. Will things just get better already!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi there, it's a miracle I worked and re-wrote/editing the third chapter, and here it is.  
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Any and all mistakes are my own as my works are unbeta'd. Thank you!

Half of the time, I often feel as if my slumber has been cursed with the Sandman's nightmares. 

By the Stars and gods, the air. 

The oxygen in the room was suffocatingly dry as if you weren't meant to breathe. Also, there was this peculiar smell that burned its way into my nasal passage. In the beginning, I had barely caught it, but now the scent had consumed the whole room. 

There was a familiarness to it, one I couldn't place immediately. My nose burned with a flaring pain caused by my attempts to identify the aroma, resulting in my heavy breathing through my mouth.

It was sweet. A sickening sweetness to it that made me feel nauseous. There was also a hint of metallic. Like copper? Maybe it was iron?

The overwhelming scent made my head spin.

Oh, Stars. It's all so unbearable. 

I feel so...

Weak.

Yet despite how frail I felt, I pushed myself onto my wobbly legs that were about to give out at any second. Just like that, I fell forward, hitting my shins on the way down. Luckily for me, I managed to catch myself on a sturdy surface, straining the muscles in my arms as I pushed myself up.

Rising my head up was difficult. It was like there was a weight attached to me. My lashes fluttered as I blinked, trying to check my surroundings, but I winced back, squinting my eyes as though the room was too bright. 

Taking just a moment, I leaned myself forward for further support before lifting my head, catching my.... reflection?

Just where was I? But the person I saw in the mirror.

By Merlin's beard.

Dreadful, absolutely dreadful. I look terrible. That's the honest, most straightforward truth. I'm sure crap even looked better than me. 

My normally well-groomed white hair was in a disheveled, tangled state.

Upon closer inspection, my (e/c) eyes looked dull, almost lifeless. Not to mention they were also puffy and red with prominent dark circles. 

All sense of time stopped once I stared into the depths of my reflection. In a way, it just felt like a lonely staring contest. If anything, it was like I was attempting to identify myself as if I were a stranger.

My brows knit together as I tilted my head down hesitantly, bringing a hand to my face. Getting my shaky fingertips to my nostril, I felt some sort of warm yet oily wetness there. That's when I figured out the smell.

"Blood." 

The crimson fluid smeared against the pads of my fingers. My knuckles turned white as I tightened my grip on the counter as I tried to stable myself. Looking up at the mirror, I saw a door behind me. The door was left ajar, allowing light from the other room to seep inside. 

Guess that's the only way out of this room.

With that, I launched myself off the counter, leaning close to the wall for support as I steadily make my way out. After crossing the threshold, my eyes adjusted to the shift of lighting with the door closing behind me; it took me a moment to realize that I was now at home. 

Not my home in Hogwarts. 

No, it was the Black family home. 

However, I don't even know if I'd call it home because it never felt like it. 

Home is a safe space where you feel comfortable, free, but most importantly, it's a place where you can be yourself. 

Either way, I was now in my bedroom. This particular room has always given me a slight chill despite it being my bedroom. I often found it hard to find comfort in the darkness of the room. Perhaps the most distinctive part of my bedroom had to be the vintage wallpaper. The base color was a murky greyish brown that often seems like a worn-down black with a floral pattern. Roses, that's what the flower was. They have spaciously spread apart from the fully blooming petals to the budding flowers and just pieces of the leaves. Even the flowers had a dark, muted tone; the petals were dark, dusty rose pink, and the leaves were a deep greyish green. The room's colors were dark or muted as if life didn't exist, only a dim imitation. 

However, that wasn't the unusual thing, though. There was a significant design of a curled skeleton serpent in the center of the wallpaper. Its body wove its way around the flowers. I couldn't tell what type of snake it might have been. An anaconda? Perhaps it was a python. The only thing I knew was when it was alive; it was _big_. 

I know that it's silly, but there was always something I couldn't place about the skeletal art. Being around it had only ever made a chill run up my spine and left a sense of dread lingering over my shoulder. 

Before I knew it, I found myself standing directly in front of the serpent with an extended hand just reaching out for it. My fingertips were brushing against the rough fibers tracing the upper half of the snake. 

Unbeknownst to me, my surroundings were changing. Only giving the paper one last look did I turn around to realize I was in a dark forest, circled by figures clad in black robes and intricate yet odd masks. There was no way of telling who they are or what their purpose was. It just couldn't be anything good. 

What I knew was I had to run. And that's what I did, I turned and ran. I didn't know where I was going, but it didn't matter. 

I weaved around and between the trees with no idea where I was going or guide. Had this been under different circumstances, I would have cautiously gone about navigating through the woods in the dark. 

Despite how rigid the chilly air made me, I pushed on. Twigs snagged on my clothes, and hair and branches were swatting at me. All of the fallen pieces of branches and leaves made crunching and snapping sounds below me. The wind causing the foliage to shake, the pounding of my heart, and the eerie natural sounds the forest produced was almost like an orchestra. 

As I continued running, I jumped through the undergrowth and other greenery before stumbling out to the other side, where I found myself out in the open. This is where the adrenaline was starting to come down, my limbs were shaking, and my body was demanding rest. I found myself collapsed by a large willow tree that had a twisted trunk. 

Now, here I am, just resting against the roots of the tree, trying to stay awake, but my lids felt heavy with exhaustion. Perhaps I could rest my eyes, even if it's for a moment. So I did. 

When I blinked a few times as I had roused only to find those gaunt forms surrounding me once more, I was trapped between them and a tree this time. 

"You cannot run from us forever. You cannot outrun who you are. You cannot outrun your destiny," One of the larger figures said, cocking its head to the side. 

"The Dark Lord will have you," another spoke. 

Each of these beings had a metal mask with different filigree works, and all of them had small mouths or mouths that looked as if they were meant to be shut. 

The two directly in front of me moved aside behind them, I could see more shapes lying on the ground. Soon enough, another hooded figure appeared, shielding whatever was lying there. This time they wore no mask, not that it needed it. The only thing you could see from under that hood was bright red eyes glowing. It was clear who this was...

"Voldermort," I said just barely above a whisper. 

Lord Voldermort, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the Master of the Death Eaters, heir of Slytherin, the man who was formerly known as Tom Riddle, is right in front of me, looking down at me. 

The wizarding world's boogeyman was in front of me in the flesh, paler than chalk, skeletally thin, but most importantly snake-like in his facial appearance. His icy hand gripped my chin, turning my face side to side to inspect me. 

"Ah, the Black family's little prodigy. (Y/N) Black." His red supernova eyes trapped me under him. "Or perhaps, my dear, you prefer the proud epithet of Starling your family has bestowed upon you," Voldemort coos in a disturbingly sweet tone. Surely teasing me and taking advantage of my fear and stillness. Under his stare, I felt more like an object than a person.

"You, my dear child, shall be the key. Nothing shall prevent or dampen my plans for this world." The Dark wizard's thin, lipless mouth had curled into what could be the closest thing to a smile. "Take a look around you, sweet girl." My head was forcibly turned to the far right side, and I couldn't believe what I saw. 

Hogwarts.

It was a bit a distance away, but I could clearly see it was in ruins, and smoke was rising around it. "N-no... that can't be true." 

"But it is my dear," he turned my head once more to look into my eyes. "Come, see for yourself, if you do not believe me." That's when he moved aside, showing me the figures from earlier, and it hit me. They were bodies. Not just any bodies, they were students and staff of Hogwarts. A real nightmare, Voldemort taking over, destroying Hogwarts, and killing those that oppose him. 

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, thrown before me were two bodies. 

_Lily._

_Severus._

_For most of my life, this is what I feared... Death._

_Now it was staring right in front of me in the form of my first two friends._

_The permanence of it. How easily the light behind one's eyes could be_ extinguished as quickly as blowing out a flame. Except there was no smoke, there was absolutely nothing left but the stillness. 

_How their bodies were limp, unmoving, and their eyes wide yet vacant._

_They were an ashen pale, their life forcibly sucked out of them._

I choked as the tears started. "L-Lily... Severus..." I clasped my hand over my mouth. "This isn't real..." 

"It may not be real now, my dear, but soon I shall purge this world of those filthy halfbreeds and mudbloods. Of course, no blood traitor will be spared. They will be prompt for those who have the gall to betray me." I could feel **his** long, thin fingers stroking my hair, petting me. 

"This is only the beginning, sweet girl. You will assist me and be at my side," Voldemort purrs, twirling his digits into my locks. 

Using my arm to wipe away my tears, I tilted my head upwards towards the infamous wizard with a fire burning behind my eyes. "Never. I will never help you!" 

He laughs at my resolve, but I wouldn't shrink down. I couldn't show weakness or fear at this moment. "Ugh!" His fingers dug into my scalp, twisting a handful and forcibly yanking it back. Instantly my hands came to where his grip was, but it did nothing to soothe the skin's pain on my scalp from being abused. "But you forget _sweet starling_ , you do not have a choice. It's better that I make decisions for you, and there is no question about this one."

"I will bid you farewell, for now, my sweet. Though I will leave you with this." His free hand came close to my face, but I could hear a sort of vibrating, rasping hiss come from the depths of his sleeve. Out of his robes came the familiar reptilian from my bedroom, its framework curled and glides around The Dark Lord. I was held in place, but it wasn't like I could muster up the strength to move. 

My face met the reanimated bone's skull, where I gazed directly into the sockets where its eyes would be, my wide orbs meeting a dark emptiness. It was a void that no one or nothing could pull you out of. I was petrified, frozen in place, and no matter how much I tried or begged, my boy just wouldn't move. 

Laughter rang in my ears, coming from the man holding me in place, finding pleasure in my fear. The only thing I managed to do at the very end was let out a bloodcurdling scream as it struck its bony fangs at my face.

"h.., wa...."

"Hey, wake up."

"WAKE UP!" 

My body shot up, drenched with sweat. My breathing labored as I tried to process what had happened. Completely ignoring the one who woke me up.

"Hey... are you okay?" The low, once disembodied voice asked with concern laced in her tone. I blinked a couple of times as I turned to see a tired roommate kind of scared shitless, and I wouldn't blame her when you suddenly wake to a scream that sounded like bloody murder. Breathless, I nodded as I felt my heart excessively palpating. My throat felt raw and burned with slight pain. 

The nameless roommate lingered at the foot of my bed for a few moments before slowly nodding back. "Alright... if you're sure. I think... I'm going to try and go back to bed."

Once her footsteps retreated, I sighed, rubbing my eyes, feeling how my eyes were puffy, and my cheeks were tearstained. My dream didn't make that much sense to me, but it scared me. I doubt I could tell anyone about my nightmare. It would either instill fear, or someone would assure me it was just a dream. But was it really just a dream? 

I don't need my peers to laugh at me, thinking I'm crazy already or suspicious. With a defeated sigh, I fell back onto my bed, just lying there for a moment, taking in my surroundings. Last night after getting past the entryway, everything just became a big blur.

_Lavender._

That was one of the first things I noticed. The lavender curtains encompassed the entire perimeter of my bedding station. It was formed in the shape of, assumingly, a perfect square. 

From there, I looked around, making a mental checklist of everything I saw:

My bed was a four-post with white bedding, a blue comforter, two white pillows. There were blue curtains around the posts tied to the wood with a gold cord, no doubt for more privacy. 

On one side of my desk was a dark wood, the same as my bed, cupboard with an elegant yet straightforward design

The opposite side was a matching wooden desk and chair though it was plainer than the cupboard. 

Lastly, at the foot of my bed was a vintage, navy trunk. 

"What time is it?" I murmured to myself, searching for my wristwatch, finding it tangled in the sheets. "6:02."

It's still early for breakfast; the great hall wouldn't be open for another 28 minutes.

Despite that, I forced myself out of bed anyway. I fixed my bed before rummaging through my belongings for my robes and a brush. A plain white button-up shirt with a grey v-neck jumper and my Ravenclaw tie followed by a grey blazer. Next was a black pleated skirt accompanied by a pair of knee-length grey socks covered by a black round-toed mary janes team. Lastly, the pièce de résistance my Ravenclaw robes.

"There." I smiled to myself, feeling proud and presentable. Once I pulled the purple curtains toward the end of my bed, I was greeted with a large dark wooden shelf. It was divided into panel sections to match each student's bedding areas. While walking by, I could visibly see that the girls' room was divided into four quadrants. The room's center is an open circular space with four separate indigo lounge couches that surrounded a golden table with a tall, ornate gold clock. The clock had such intricate details that it must have taken months to produce, if not a year. "That'll be useful."

Since I still had plenty of time, I decided to circle the dorm once more.

I found three large stained glass windows of geometrical designs keeping with the cool tones of the house's theme. The ceiling was bewitched just like the great hall with puffy clouds and adornment of multiple gleaming stars. It was nothing short of beautiful. 

Just as I was about to take my leave, a sudden mix of tapping and rapping came from one of the widows. Curious, I inched myself closer to the sound, and suddenly a window had opened up, and the sound had stopped. There was nothing out there.

I frowned, confused and a bit disappointed, seeing that whatever it was was gone. Just as I was about to close the window, a small black mass quickly dove inside. My pulsed race as I glance around, trying to find the darkness that had made its way in, but the moment I saw it, I couldn't help but smile. It was a familiar and welcomed sight.

"Eros!" I gushed. Remembering how early it was, I attempted to be a bit quieter. 

Most wizards and witches often opt for a pet owl, rat, or even cats or toads. Not me, I chose Eros the bat. There are no words to describe just how special he is to me. I've had him ever since he was a pup, so we have a history and a deep connection. Seeing him is enough to make me happy at any point, but even he can't stop the icy chill I felt in my blood when I saw what he was carrying. 

A letter.

Except this wasn't just any letter, the wine red stamp was one I knew personally, which I had my own of. 

_The Black family crest_.

The mail rests in my hand, I felt unsure of what to do. Frankly, I did not want to read whatever message lies behind the envelope. Eros perched on my shoulder, squeaking softly as he burrowed himself in my hair, making me smile. He always knew when I was feeling down, and he'd often try to help me in any way he can. I feel lucky to have the male bat. 

"Thank you, Eros." 

He continues to squeaks as my fingertips gently brushed against his head. If someone has never heard a bat before, I just have to say they sound precious, and it's definitely something people shouldn't miss out on.

"It's getting bright out. You should try and rest now," I advised the winged mammal who detangled himself from my locks flying towards my bedding space. 

_Whatever is inside this letter isn't worth reading, especially when my day has yet to start._ I sighed and slipped the post into my pocket. _Maybe exploring Ravenclaw Tower will clear my head._

After exiting the girls' dormitory, I walked down the corridor, meeting our house matron's marble statue, Rowena Ravenclaw. The sculpture was stationed in the center of the hall; another passage was on the opposite end. Based on where I'm standing, I could safely assume that the boys' dormitory was on that side. Turning on my heels towards the direction Ravenclaw overlooked, I saw marble steps that led upward, knowing it would lead me to the common room.

Low and behold, at the top of the steps was our common room, which is breathtaking. The center housed our crystal farm, with surrounding counters forming a circle so Ravenclaws can harvest and study them. Behind this is the grand crystal fireplace with an eagle of the same material on the mantle; while it's ablaze, the bird appears to be in flight.

A dark wood long table was in front of the fireplace with an assortment of vintage chairs, couches, and cushions for student enjoyment. This area was just on the opposite end of the bronze eagle knocker. 

The common room had an abundance of natural lighting thanks to the copious amount of windows and the high ceiling. The glass still upheld the geometrical design though the most rounded shape it forms are stars. It is always keeping the cool color scheme, of course. 

Thanks to the high ceilings, another fantastic feature is the glass terrariums of different sizes to accommodate individual or group usage. The height at which they float is adjustable to fit whatever the users wish.

Stacks of various books from alchemy, charms, DADA could be found on tables, shelves, chairs, or on the floor in a reading area. Our chairs are all vintage and often student-collected, adding to the history and legacy of Ravenclaw.

Weaving around the room was the crystal staircase. It's charmed to float on its own, and it can turn into a slide either for fun or protection. At the very top is the perfect mediation space; if the lower half of the tower isn't peaceful enough for you, this would be the best place to go. And yes, there are more windows; by the floor are rectangular window panels. Above it are the more decorative geometrical stain glass panels. Various crystals of color and size are rooted in place on the ground, but the room's center is home to a sizeable glowing gem. Directly above is the magnum opus of Ravenclaw Tower, the grand crystal chandelier slowly and quietly spinning. The fixture balances all the energies within the room, perhaps even the whole tower. Floating above little glass terrariums were nesting any birds, including student owls.

Merlin. This place just takes away my breath; the image of this place could never get old. I mean, how could it?

Ravenclaw prefect Priya Hughes mentioned the tower acts as a lighthouse for us Ravenclaws. However, it's unfortunate other students could never witness the ethereal beauty it radiates from the outside. To those students, it looks like another standard Hogwarts tower.

As an acting lighthouse, Ravenclaw students can see outside, soaring in circles around the tower's top, the house animal, the eagle. Magic seems to seep and spiral from the tip of the building is ribboning to the bottom. If we were ever to lose our way, we could look to this to bring us back. 

A smile etched its way across my lips and brought warmth to my heart.

I'm happy to have found a home here.

I glanced at my wristwatch, wondering whether or not the great hall is open now. "6:37."

Maybe I could catch Lily or Severus during breakfast. Before leaving, I made sure I grabbed my grey leather bag with all my essentials. Considering its Monday, based on my schedule, I have DADA with Hufflepuff, history of magic with Slytherin, charms, and transfiguration with Gryffindor, and lastly, astronomy with Slytherin.

I'll have classes with Lily and Severus twice today. This isn't too bad. 

Once I had arrived at the hall, I noticed that there aren't many students. Maybe a dozen or two dozen students, but it was still relatively empty. I suppose the others plan to get as much sleep as they can. Well, I guess it's not too bad since I can enjoy a quiet meal. I seated myself in the back of the Ravenclaw table, examining my options. For breakfast, I ended up deciding on some bacon and hashbrowns with a cup of coffee. 

_Stars. The house-elves can cook, I appreciate the hard work they do._ I couldn't help the little food moan. _Thank you!_

As I ate in silence, I skimmed the room, hoping to see either the silent Slytherin boy or the fire-haired Gryffindor girl. My head perks up as I see the former, sitting by himself with an open book. Of course. I shook my head with a scoff. "Such a bookworm." I smiled to myself. I finished whatever remained of my meal before making my way towards Snape, sitting across from him. "Hello, Severus." I smiled though his focus was set on the book. 

Surprise, surprise, no response. 

My lips pursed as I rolled my eyes. "You know that ignoring me isn't going to do anything, right? If anything, I think it's just more so a reason to get you to speak to me." I smirked as I picked up a new fork, twirling it around. He heaves a deep sigh, snaps his book shut, and gets up before stalking out of the hall. My face fell, dropping the fork and scurrying after the boy, "Severus, wait up!"

Severus continued his long, swift strides until I grasped the end of his robes' sleeve, halting any further movement. For a moment, time felt motionless until the Slytherin immediately turned around with a furious look. "What?! What could you possibly want from me?" 

Hearing the normally quiet boy yell and look so angry causes me to tremble involuntarily. I couldn't tear my (e/c) orbs from his narrowed black eyes, and it felt like his stare was piercing me, wordlessly trying to burn me down. 

"I-I just...," I stammered, nervously licking my lips with a hard swallow. 

"You just what?" Snape spat bitterly. 

The fabric of his garb slipped out of my grasp with my hand following back to my side. "I know you don't like me. But I just wanted us to talk like ordinary people, and maybe be friends even... especially since you and Lily are friends and I'm friends with her. So... I thought, why shouldn't we be friends?"

He scoffed. "If you have the memory of a goldfish, I already made it clear I do not wish to be friends," Severus hisses. "Even so, why would I want to be friends with you? Did Potter and your fellow Black put you up to this? To trick me? Make me look like a fool? Perhaps it's just fun to torment me." _What is he talking about?_

I didn't understand what he meant about Potter and my fellow Black... Is he talking about Sirius? Bu-"You might have tricked Lily, but damned if you fool me." everything he's said was laced with venom. Snape didn't give me the chance to form response as he turned on his heel, stalking away. There was no point in trying to chase him down right now, but I still couldn't let go of what he said. They were troubling. 

That scenario replayed in my head as I tried to make sense of something so simple. I felt like I was just walking through a dream as I mindlessly wandered wherever my feet allowed me. By the time I was out of my daydream, I had found myself in the courtyard by a substantial sized tree rooted in the middle. Perhaps I should talk to Lily, maybe she'll know. 

Already my day is exhausting and confusing. There's no way it could get any worse... I hope. 

Sighing heavily, I tossed my bag against the base of the tree after taking out one of my books, DADA, to be specific. Then I grabbed my way to the top of the tree to rest for whatever time I had left till class.

So far, the class was easy enough; in DADA with Hufflepuff, we started with something easy yet beneficial, Expelliarmus. The disarming spell, its perhaps at the heart of one of the best dueling techniques. Wizard historians believe that Merlin himself had invented the incantation. In contrast, others thought it popularized after use in Madagascar during the 11th century.

We simply practiced with a partner of the opposing house, disarming one another. We'll have to memorize how to tell if the spell was correctly used and what notable effects it may have other than the apparent disarmament. 

History of magic was a piece of cake though I shared it with Slytherin, and sort of dull. I made sure I sat as far as possible from Severus though he sat in the very back, making it easy to avoid him. We learned about gargoyles, what they are, why they are essential in our world. For homework, we had to find at least five of the talking stone sculptures, converse with them, record our conversation, and have a few facts at hand. 

Finally, charms with Gryffindor! The moment I saw Lily, I dragged her to an empty seat so that we'd sit next to one another. "(Y/N)! Jeez, didn't know you missed me that much already." She teased, sitting down beside me. "Of course, what would I do without you, my lovely flower? I could not go on living if you weren't in my life." I dramatically flung an arm to my forehead while leaning back into the redhead. She laughed and rolled her eyes, "whatever you say, Romeo."

Settling back into my seat, I turned to her with a grim expression, "Lily, I wanna talk to you about something." 

Professor Flitwick's timing couldn't have been worse as he began class just before Lily could respond. Luckily, I have the next lesson with her, so I still had time to ask her what was bothering me about her brooding friend. Today's lesson was on the levitation charm. We learned the history of it then proceed with the practical portion. The spell can lift just about everything except for human beings. However, the object raised depends on the specific caster's skill and the object's weight. Swish and flick. Swish your wand to the right and flick our wands upward to lift the object, then say, "Wingardium Leviosa!" Just about everyone struggled to pronounce the charm, ' _Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa_ ,' making the 'gar' nice and long. 

It was pretty easy though I had studied before I arrived at Hogwarts, and it just seems I have an aptitude for magic. My family believes I'm just a prodigy and enjoyed flaunting it at times (all times, actually). Lily eventually got it on her third try; she told me that Ollivander said her wand was right for this matter. I'm sure once she gets the underlying swing of things, she'll be a natural. Our homework is to write a short essay on three variations of levitation spells. 

As we left the Charms class en route to transfiguration, Lily spoke up, "so what was it you wanted to ask me?" I pursed my lips, thinking about how to ask her, but it was probably best to be forward with her. "I don't think Severus likes me at all," I confessed. Her brows knit together, "why do you say that?" 

"Well, this morning, during breakfast, I arrived early and saw him, so I go down to sit with him and try to strike up a conversation. However, he ignores me, but I kept trying anyways until he left. That's when I followed and talked to him. It didn't go so well," I sigh, recalling the events from this morning. "What happened?"

"He was entirely crossed, yelling at me and asking what I wanted. Of course, I just wanted to have a chat with him like any other. And since you two are friends and we're friends, why can't he and I be friends too? Severus has made it quite clear he doesn't want my friendship. Interestingly, though, as he mentioned, two Gryffindors, Potter and my cousin Sirius accused me of being in league with them to 'torment' him? Is there some sort of animosity between them?" 

"On top of that, he believes that I've 'fooled' you with this friendship. I just want to understand, Lily." I explained the entirety of the situation with pleading eyes.

Lily sighs and closes her eyes for a moment, looking as if she is trying to collect her thoughts. "Do you remember when I asked if we can sit next to you, and I mentioned something about some toerags? I was talking about those two. Ever since we crossed them on the train, they've been bullying him. Since you're related to one of them, he just feels so suspicious. I'm sorry (Y/N). Please don't take it personally. He's very cautious and guarded; he's always been this way but even more so now. I want you two to get along. Maybe if I could get him to talk to you and explain things, he might slowly let you in." 

I gave a weak smile upon hearing her explanation. "I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful. However, I can't help but be upset about my cousin's actions; it affecting me. Thank you, Lily. I appreciate you being so open and helpful. Like you, I want to get along with him. Maybe he'll come to at least tolerant me, and that'd be good enough for me until he wants my friendship." She slung her arm around my shoulder with a bright smile of her own. "Of course, anything for my new friend to get along with my best friend!"

Transfiguration. This area of magic is more complicated than the rest. Even the most elementary of transfiguration requires a great deal of concentration. The tiniest mistake could develop into a total catastrophic yet dangerous result. Students mustn't skip this class considering its complexity. One must have a complete and overall understanding of the foundation of this matter. We spent the course just going over history. Next class, we will have to try to do some practical exercises to turn a match into a needle. For now, we have to memorize the chapter and practice our mediation since we'll head straight into the matchmaker.

Lastly, Astronomy with Slytherin. For this, we are learning the science behind the connection we have with the earth and the cosmos. We have to follow movement patterns of the planets, stars, and the sun and then try to connect to humans. Right now, we are learning the astrological symbols, their glyphs, dates, and planetary symbols. Memorizing that part was simple, but I found confusing the only thing dealing with the chart until Xenophilius Lovegood had stepped in to clear up my confusion. Lovegood was quiet, unkempt, and just sort of strange, but he was kind nonetheless. 

I'll have to study up and practice the chart, ugh. Luckily for me, the professor stressed that the critical part, for now, is learning the symbols and their appropriate placement on the natural astrology chart. 

Before class had ended, I glanced over at Severus to see how he fared through no surprise to me; it seemed that he already knew everything. I sincerely hope that Lily could convince him to speak with me by the end of the week. 

After the class was over, I walked back to the Ravenclaw tower to work on my homework before dinner, hoping I could get an early night. 

Realizing how long of a week this will be, I sighed and propped a hand up under my chin as I silently wrote.

_I sincerely hope we'll be friends._

By the time it was the call for curfew, I had changed. Then I remembered my letter from this morning, which I dug out of my robes. I have a deep sigh before ripping the seal off. I skim the letter.

"To our darling _Starlet_ ,

We're sure you've managed to settle into your new environment. While we are displeased that you were not sorted into Slytherin, Ravenclaw is... an adequate alternative. 

Walburga, no doubt, is livid with your embarrassment of a cousin, Sirius. He is nothing but trouble. Where Walburga _failed_ , we have **_succeeded_ **. We are confident you will make us proud and avoid making this family from appearing weak. You shall not tarnish the Black family name. 

Do remember that you are superior to those attending Hogwarts. Nothing but pathetic, dirty mudbloods and the defective halfbreeds. Show them your power, remind them where those weaklings belong— underneath you.

Blood is everything. Blood is the Life.

 _Do not disappoint._

Regards,

Ophiuchus and Ara Black"

I hated it when they called me that. Starlet. Starling. As a little girl, I loved it. It was endearing, mostly since I was amongst the Blacks that were not named after a constellation. Our family was synonymously known for it. Until I realized they only called me that because they expect great things from me, believing I am a prodigy, and perhaps I will rise to be one of the best Blacks. 

This letter was once again proof of how my parents were never concerned for me though the feeling has grown to be mutual. It was them just feeling proud of being better at parenting than my aunt, but does it matter? Truthfully, all of them are terrible. They sent this as a reminder of how they are watching me, and that appearance is everything. 

Understanding that the message means nothing, that it's written without any sentiment, love, or care, I balled it up and threw it in the bottom of my truck. _So much for loving, caring parents._

Ungracefully I fell onto my bed with feelings of exhaustion. "If I'm lucky, hopefully, this week won't be a total disaster." I yawned before succumbing to Hypnos's lull and the Sandman's touch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧ Lemme know what you think!


	4. First year: learning how to fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Lily gets back with you about talking to Severus. There was a plan for how the meeting would go, but when does anything ever go according to plan? C'est la vie! However, maybe that meeting actually helped.

The first week went as I had precisely predicted. It was long and overwhelming, just trying to get into the swing of things. Other than setting a routine, things were relatively straightforward, making things go by a little faster. 

Still, it felt so long before, on Thursday, Lily shared some good news. With so much enthusiasm, the redhead informed me that Severus agreed to speak with me. Only if Lily is there as an acting mediator. There was no doubt that the Gryffindor girl had harassed the Slytherin relentlessly after our conversation. Even though I've known her for almost two weeks (give or take), it was clear as day that Lily is stubborn and committed when she sets her mind on something. So, agreeing with her was perhaps the only way for Severus to get her to stop. 

There was a slight gut feeling of guilt, but at the same time, I was happy because it seemed like this was the only way I could get him to notice me.

According to Lily, the plan was to meet up after breakfast on Friday, so today, at the tree by the Black Lake. After hearing back from Lily, I was over the moon, knowing I had the opportunity to sort things out before Ravenclaw and Slytherin's flying lessons later today. 

This morning I had woken up early as usual, which is the same time that breakfast begins. At noon we're going to be flying with Madam Hooch. It had taken me a bit longer than usual to get dressed. The whole situation of today has occupied my mind, distracting me from anything else. 

Just as I was about to finish braiding my hair, I noted how my white locks were currently a grey shade. While I may be born a metamorphmagus, I wasn't entirely in control of my ability. With how my hair continually shifting colors to express whatever intense emotion I am feeling at the moment. 

There was no amount of preparation I could make to avoid the feeling of dread and extreme anxiousness for our upcoming meeting. Right now, I'd love to have a mug of coffee nursing in my hand, but with how uneasy I was, caffeine is the last thing I needed. There is still so much time before breakfast is even over. Of all days, why did time have to be against me today? Time is moving so painstakingly slow. 

"What could I possibly do?" I sighed softly.

Since I didn't have a lot of options, I decided to spend time in the library with hopes of finding something interesting. According to other students, the librarian, Madam Pince, is a highly unpleasant woman who is intensely disliked by most of the student body. Today is my first time stepping into the school library. I immediately saw a dark wooden desk with a vulture-featured woman overlooking the library with a grim expression. Her hard eyes were burning holes into me as I scurried past her. Finally evading her stare, I ventured off towards the furthest corner while browsing for a book. 

'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.' 

As of this moment, it was the only book to have caught my eye, and for a good reason. It turned out to be quite an exciting read. Newton Scamander, famed Magizoologist and author, introduces us to what to expect from the text and explains what beasts are. From there, he explains muggle awareness and their perspective. The book then proceeds to discuss magical creatures in hiding and the importance of his work. That's only the first half of the book. Its second half is the classifications with an alphabetic catalog before ending about who the author is. 

This is definitely the perfect tome for students as passionate about magical creatures like Scamander besides becoming magizoologist.

Content with my readings, I returned the book to its rightful place before checking the time once again. _7:36_

This has to be a big joke. Since I'm here, I might as well try to check some books out. There were three subjects I enjoyed the most; DADA, herbology, and potions. However, it was difficult finding reliable sources. In the end, I only found one DADA and potions, while I found two for herbology. As I approached the tall desk, Madam Pince watched me like a hawk, ready to strike its prey at any moment. Did she know how uncomfortable she makes people? Or does she already know that and just finds it fun seeing how she affects people?

Either way, I successfully acquired my books without dying at the hands of the infamous librarian. It was best to hurry and be on my way before Pince's stares kill me. 

Yet, it leaves me with nothing else to do. 

How else can I kill time? 

Oh hell, it doesn't matter at this point. So here I was at the Black Lake at the tree we agreed to meet at. No one else was there yet. 

Here I took out my journal and laid my bag against its base before climbing to the top, turning its branches into a makeshift chair. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to work on some notes and practice art with all this time. My journal contained illustrations of everything for class, corrected information our books have mistaken. When I have the time and appropriate materials, I like to color each example to make an exact representation. This is where the time passes because if someone asked me how long I was out here, I couldn't tell them; this is when I heard someone clearing their throat, vying for my attention. 

Lifting my gaze up from the pages, I see a familiar pair of black eyes. My breath hitched in my throat, seeing Snape below me. He was willingly here with me even though he only agreed with his best friend. 

Severus's eyes narrowed, and his brow arched; it was like he was trying to figure something out. But what? 

Whatever it was, it didn't last long. 

"H-hello Severus," my voice faltered while my heart pounded. 

"Hello," he replied hesitantly just before sitting at the tree's base with an open book. Shutting my journal and pocketing my pen, I climbed down the tree and sat close to the bookworm. "em... Lily wasn't with you?" 

"Does it look like she's with me?" He deadpanned. Of course, she wasn't with him. I considered asking him if he had at least encountered her on the way, but I was sure it was pointless. Here we are, sitting in silence other than the usual pages turning and the quiet nature ambiance. With my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs in an attempt to comfort myself. By now, it felt like a moment where I'd be watching the Slytherin. Yet, I couldn't look at anything but the water in front of us, gently swaying. 

"Severus?" I called out softly to the boy next to me. 

With a sharp exhale, he replies, "yes?" 

I rest my head on top of my knees. "Is there any way we can be friends? Anything I can do to gain some trust? Please don't be mad at Lily, but I've talked to her and asked some stuff." Severus didn't respond, and I knew if I looked over at him now, I could see how annoyed and upset he is. 

This is probably my best chance I'll be able to talk freely with him. At the same time, it could be the last chance. 

"She didn't really explain all the details, but she helped clarify something I didn't understand. It was about Potter and my fellow black, my cousin, Sirius. Before you two sat with me, you sat with those two, right? I can't imagine anything ending well with my prat for a cousin. She mentioned how they've just been bullying you since then." I didn't really know Potter, but I knew Sirius Black. He was always a bit of an arse, always up to no good. 

"I'm sorry. Listen— I know that it doesn't mean much coming from me, but you deserve an apology. Just because I'm related to Sirius doesn't mean I agree with his mistreatment of you. The only thing I want is for us to be friends," I murmured into my knees. 

At this rate, I've come to not expect a reply from him— just like that Snape had gotten up and left. "Just how will flying class go?" I groaned into my knees. _Stars._

The dreaded moment came faster this time around. Time was funny and odd, but right now, it was such an arse, if anything. 

To put the cherry on this awkward dessert, the boy I had confronted hours ago is standing across from me. Madam Hooch had us standing in two parallel lines, one house facing the other, with brooms on the ground to our right. Our lesson began with summoning our brooms. Starting to the brooms' left, we held our right hands out, shouting 'up.' Not even a second later, of saying 'up,' my broom jolted straight into my hand. After that, I glanced around, wondering where everyone else is at this stage. And so far, only a handful was successful. In contrast, the less than forthan fortunate ones had looks of frustration painted across their faces.

For about half of the class, it was just a cacophony of students shouting 'up,' straining their throats and my ears as they persisted. Various brooms rolled and rattled against the ground, with others only flying halfway into students' grasps. 

A cacophony of students shouting 'up' continued, straining my ears as they persisted. Brooms rolled and rattled against the ground while others halfway into student's hands.

Eventually, everyone had at least managed to summon their brooms. Madame Hooch then instructed us to mount our brooms with a tight grip and a hard kick, then lean forward to hover for a moment. Frankly, it was sort of terrifying yet refreshing. The hardest part someone might have with flying is honestly just finding their balance. 

For the remaining portion of the class, we were allowed to fly a bit higher. It'll give us a good idea of what it'll be like when we're higher in the air and actually flying. 

I couldn't help but wonder how Severus was fairing. From the looks of it, he is managing to hover on his own, but he is shaky and paler than usual. If you actually looked into his eyes, you could just see how distressed he is, and if that isn't enough for you, then his white-knuckled grip should do it. 

While the rest of the students took turns practicing, I silently made my way over to the distressed Slytherin. Despite my apprehension after our encounter at the lake, I pushed through it, determined to talk to him but most importantly to help him. 

"H-hey... listen, I know that things between us haven't been... the greatest. However, I want to help you." My hands tightened around my broom. "Seeing how distressed you were, I felt compelled to help you... so please," I swallowed, praying he wouldn't deny my help. 

Severus didn't respond right away. He stared at me with I look I couldn't place except for cautious, perhaps? His lips were firmly pressed together. "Fine...," he finally grumbles. 

Although he was hesitant to accept my help, my heart swelled because he at least took up my offer. "So, one of the most important things you need to keep in mind is breathing. Always make sure you're breathing." This was the first issue I noticed with Snape, trying to fly. He stopped breathing. "The second step is to clear your mind. Whatever that's bothering you, just let it go. Alright, try and get positioned." 

Snape follows my directions and gets readied. "Good, but let's adjust a few things, though." After I moved behind him and adjusted his posture, grip, and stance, he felt stiff as a board as soon as I touched him. "Relax, Severus," I breathed softly over his shoulder. It took quite a bit before he started to relax. 

"If you start to panic, you'll lose all control. If and when you feel it, just remember to breathe. Don't focus on anything but flying. You're free and in control, okay? Fly when you're ready." The ravenette took a sharp inhale, relaxing before he slowly took off. "I knew you'd be fine." I smiled. 

And just like that, Severus Snape flew successfully without any difficulties. When he landed, Madam Hooch dismissed class, informing us that we'll be flying out longer next class. 

As I was making my way to Ravenclaw Tower, there was a sudden grip on my sleeve. Glancing over my shoulder, my eyes met the familiar, beautiful, and mysterious black irises of a particular boy. "Severus," my breath hitched in my throat. 

We stared at each other in silence until he cleared his throat. That's when he stepped back and released my sleeve from his hold. "Thank you for your help earlier... though I didn't need it." A small laugh escapes me as I smiled up at him. "I know, but I wanted to help you anyway. Severus, I really hope you'll consider it— a friendship between us. However, I won't push it any further. Hope a good day, Snape." I gave him one last smile before walking to Ravenclaw Tower. 

As I was walking away, I could have sworn I heard Snape say something, but I couldn't make it out. Either way, he at least spoke to me out of his own volition there. Was this a step towards a budding friendship?

But for now, this was enough. 

Just one step at a time. 


	5. First year: The infirmary | Wristwatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month since Severus and you have last spoken, and as promised, you didn't press him any further. However, a specific redhead keeps pressing you for what exactly happened, but there isn't really much to say. Things have just been normal and repetitive until the next free-flying lesson with Ravenclaw and Slytherin. An accident results in you going to the infirmary. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More editing and re-posting. Only a few more chapters before the new stuff comes.  
> Then I'll be deleting the old OT work (or convert it into PBTF chapter specials)  
> Trying to get there so you guys can actually enjoy it. (｡•́︿•̀｡)

A month has passed since Severus, and I last spoke _—_ out in the Quidditch field. Lily kept poking and prodding about what happened between us. "So, how did it go? It's been a month already, and you still haven't told me!" Lily whined, clinging onto me. She explained why she didn't show, thinking that Severus and I could speak honestly if she didn't. Unfortunately, it didn't really occur as she had hoped. 

"I don't think I should pressure him any further. At this point, Lils, I just have to wait." I smiled. She pouts in response but sighs and wraps her arm around my shoulder. "Well, we'll get there eventually! For now, let's bask in all this girl time!" We broke out into a fit of laughter as we walked up towards the castle _—_ we would often spend time at the Black Lake, where we'd soak our feet in the cold, dark waters. 

So far, the school year has been going relatively well. All of my classes are enjoyable. There are a few negatives, like a history of magic, I personally don't find it fascinating. As much as I actually love astronomy, I've learned that I am not the best at the chart. DADA is enjoyable, definitely a class that gets better along the year _—_ learning spells is my favorite. Herbology and potions were two other classes I favored a well. They allowed me to tap into some more creative aspects by illustrating various plants, ingredients, and brews from our textbooks while also correcting information. 

There was transfiguration with Professor McGonagall, who was fair albeit strict. The witch is an animagus— something everyone found cool; I suppose I would have too if I wasn't a metamorphmagus. She, on occasions, sits in class, watching us work as a tabby cat. Personally, conjuration is one of the four areas of this study I enjoy the most. 

Lastly, Professor Flitwick, Head of Ravenclaw, and charms professor made class delightful. He's a great professor without a doubt and amongst the nicest. Speaking of the charms master, I've been considering joining the Dueling Club, which he oversees—seeing as the professor was a former dueling champion, who better to learn from? 

On a completely unrelated note, lately, I've been feeling a pair of eyes on me. It didn't happen all the time, but I could feel it often, and the moment I look up, the feeling disappears. It was both disturbing and puzzling. Why would anyone want to watch me? I'm not that interesting or memorable... 

Another thing I've begun to notice is Severus waiting around lonely corridors where he'd meet with other Slytherins. Still, for the most part, they were upperclassmen. Not that it's odd or a bad thing, but I couldn't help but notice. Somehow it did feel a little... wrong, but I don't know why. 

One of the seventh-year students he often met with was someone I knew. Tall, lean, and features that were all pale as if it were to exemplify purity. Long blonde hair so blonde it's borderline white and distinctive, fierce pure grey eyes. There's no doubt about this upperclassman's beauty, but he held a certain air about him that I couldn't help but find... creepy. This handsome yet disturbing male was none other than Lucius Malfoy, my cousin Narcissa's fiancé. They'll be getting married this summer after their graduation. 

While I'm glad it appears that Snape is making new friends, it doesn't change just how unsettling they are. Most of them have a lot of unpleasant gossip about them. My only hope is that he doesn't fall prey to whatever these particular Slytherins are up to... 

Today was yet another Friday that Ravenclaw and Slytherin had flying together. Since the last time Severus and I spoke, he's been using my advice. Now he's flying like a natural as if he never had an issue to begin with. This makes my heart swell with pride. Despite that, I was a little disheartened since we still haven't spoken for quite some time. I always kept thoughtful glances his way, and the moments I look away, I swear I could feel the stare returned. Yet, the feeling vanishes the moment I look up. I can't help but hope that Severus also at least thinks of me...

Madam Hooch had us do some standard, free-flying where everyone from both houses had to be in the air but were allowed to set their own pace. 

The class was going just fine until it wasn't. Only 40 minutes into class before two Slytherins flew by me, but the tension between them wasn't looking so good. They were in some sort of heated argument. 

The moment it looked totally unamiable, I glided away from the duo but not in time. It seems like one of them suddenly rams right into me. The power in the crash was so mighty I was knocked off my broom, leaving me falling straight for the ground. 

After being dismounted, my mind couldn't process anything but one thought. _Am... am I going to die? Is this how I go...?_

Around me, the world slowed while I was out of control, swirling down to my doom. _I'm sorry._

My vision started to darken, but before I lost total consciousness, I swore I saw a familiar face flying towards me.

_S-Severus?_

Pain. 

That was the first thing I felt as I regain consciousness. My lids felt so heavy, yet I persisted fluttering my lashes until my eyes finally opened. The brightness in the room was harsh on my eyes; I ended up just closing them once more. Being conscious actually sucks. Almost every part of me was aching sore, but it was mainly my head, neck, and left arm that experienced sharp pain courses. "Ughhh," I groaned as I attempted to sit up, only to have my body pushed back down. 

"Oh no, you don't! Do not even think about getting up from that bed, young lady!" A woman scolded. Slowly turning my head, the woman was none other than Madam Pomfrey, Hogwarts's matron, and healer. 

"You took quite the fall. You're lucky you only broke your arm and received a few minor scratches on your head. It could have been so much worse. For now, you might feel some sharp pain around your head and even your neck, so I'll be keeping you here for the next few days until you've recovered!" With that, the matron tucked me back into bed. 

For the next few days, my stay at the infirmary was mandatory, where I spent my time confined to my bed. It was rather dull these few days. Most of my time was spent alone, sleeping, or just reading. Madam Pomfrey wasn't much company since she was always busy. In ways, she was like Professor McGonagall, kind yet strict. 

During my second day in the hospital wing, I finally realized my beloved wristwatch was missing. 

_My watch.. where is my watch? No, no, no!_

I frantically turned in my bed, shuffling the pillows and kicking the blankets off, yet it still wasn't there. "What are you doing?! You are supposed to be resting, Miss Black!" 

_How can I rest when one of my most precious belongings is missing?_ I couldn't help but feel so frustrated. It was hard not to cry. "Oh, dear, I wouldn't worry so much! I am quite Madam Hooch, or one of your classmates had found it!" The healer's reassurance is kind, but it does little to bring me a piece of mind. It was best to just listen to Madam Pomfrey so she wouldn't hover over me. "You're right.. I'm sure someone found it..." I forced a smile. 

What made staying in the infirmary bearable was Lily visiting me. During these times, she filled me in on classes so I wouldn't be left behind while sharing news of what is currently going on. "Yesterday in herbology, Pettigrew managed to catch himself on fire with the fire-making spell. It was a total disaster. He kept running around the greenhouse until Professor Sprout had to put out the flames. By then, he ran into the spiky bushes and got needled by them on his bum!" She giggled. I appreciated Lily visiting me— it was thoughtful and honestly lovely to have a friend around. It had made things just a bit easier. 

The following day was different, though. When I found up, I found a vial in my hand that had a parchment piece wrapped around it. Unraveling the paper, it reveals a purple liquid. On it was a simple 'drink' written in beautiful, slanted penmanship. I wearily eyed the crystal vial, spinning the container in my hand, examining the extent of its contents. _Hell, what's the worst that could happen?_ With that, I popped the cork off; it immediately had a sweet aroma, except it wasn't too sweet— it was tame. You usually shouldn't drink a mysterious liquid that only says drink on it, but in this case, what else would it have been? Once I propped myself up, I downed its contents. It was just like how it smelled, sweet, almost like warm chocolate and roasted nuts. With a content sigh, I laid back down to find that the delicious liquid had spread warmth throughout my body while dulling the aches and pain I feel. 

_Did Madam Pomfrey leave this for me? If she did, then wouldn't she have given it to me the moment I've woke up? But if she didn't, then who?_

I stared at the now-empty potion and piece of paper for a moment until I heard my name. "(Y/N)!" I immediately shoved the items into my robe pocket before looking up to see Lily. She must be here to fill me in on today's lessons and drama. I could care less of the latter, but never the less, I appreciated all of what she did. Today's visit wouldn't last long, though, since the school's healer would usually kick out visitors. "Miss Black needs her rest! You ought to go back to class now, Miss Evans!"

_I don't need this  much  rest. Talking to someone doesn't take a whole lot out of me, but doctor's orders... I suppose. _

Night eventually comes where Madam Pomfrey would leave me a tray of food before she'd eat her own in her office. Before she retires, she always made sure I was okay. As usual, I would continuously assure her I was okay. _Stars! Why didn't I ask her for some help with dressing?_ I should be getting back to things on my own, yet the task of dressing was still somewhat problematic with an arm cast. When I finally managed to pull down my night garb, I swore I could have heard something just a moment ago. Looking up, I saw the last person I would have ever expected to be here. 

_Severus Snape._

He looked alarmed when he saw I was staring at him, and he swiftly turned on his heels, making quick strides for the exit. "Snape?" 

Upon hearing his name, he suddenly stopped standing there momentarily but slowly making his way back. He kept his eyes downcast, avoiding my gaze. _Wait... was Severus blushing?_

His cheeks were noticeably rosy, which quickly stuck out considering how pale he is. It was actually pretty cute. "What brings you to the infirmary?" 

Severus didn't respond right away. He simply stood at the foot of my bed, shifting his stance every other minute. For a moment, it was silence until he cleared his throat, "I'm here to... here to check on you." _Wow. Snape came all the way over here at night just to check up on me?_

I swallowed hard before I teasingly made a response that made him a bit redder. "Worried about me, Snape?" He scowls, no doubt embarrassed. "Fine, I'll just go then." I've never sat up more quickly than I did at that moment. "No, wait... I was only joking. I'm sorry." _Maybe I shouldn't have teased him like that... It's a miracle that he's even here._

"You know you can sit down," I pointed to the chair next to me, which he reluctantly sat on. There were these gaps of silence here and there. Probably because he's awkward and just doesn't really know what to say to me after all the tension lately and how we haven't spoken until now. 

"So... how are you feeling?" 

"Alright enough, there was some slight pain before, but everything was much better after drinking this potion left for me." The ravenette nods before pausing as if he was thinking. "Here..." Snape fished something out of his pockets, which I was confused about what it could have been if not for the familiar shine. _Stars and Moon!_

"My... my wristwatch! You found it?" It was surreal yet relieving to see my precious possession is no longer missing and that someone I knew and could trust held onto it. As he handed me back my trinket, our hands just barely brushed against the other in the process, which made my own cheeks flush. His face was still slightly pink but not so noticeable now. 

"I found it as soon as they were rushing you here. It was in rough shape after I picked it up, but... I managed to repair it." He focuses on the silver watch. "Thank you, Severus. You have no idea just how much this means to me, I appreciate this, and I don't think I could ever really thank you enough." My thumb rubs across the elegant design, trying to memorize each detail once more. As I looked up at the Slytherin, I gave him a genuine smile. "It's not a big deal." He dismisses it though it was clear he's embarrassed. Slowly I took his hand in mine _—_ it went rigid and tensed against my touch. He looks up, our gaze reconnecting, and I smiled. "You might not think it a big deal, but to me, it is." 

Finally, I released his hand and fiddled with the trinket, unsure of what will happen. Snape clears his throat, gaining my attention. "I should... get going." He began making his way out, but before he could get too far, I felt compelled to call out one last time. "Good night Severus." Just as I was about to fall asleep, I was sure that I heard him reply though it was faint. 

"Good night, (Y/N).." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧ Lemme know what you think!


	6. First year: Family encounters | Tutoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, you are discharged from the infirmary, and on the way to class, we encountered a familiar face, one we didn't expect to see. It was an interesting encounter but other than that the day was just boring. Unfortunately, the thing about missing classes is you're left behind and there isn't anyone who can necessarily help you the best than Snape himself. The question is will he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more re-edited chapters until the first year is over! I am slightly debating on fixing part of the time skip! Its very to be determined!   
> Any and all mistakes are my own as my works are unbeta'd. Thank you!

After one more day of rest, Madam Pomfrey found me fit, discharging me from the hospital wing. Though before I left, the matron gave me quite the earful about being careful, so I don't end up back in her extreme care. Not that I want to be there again. _While Madam Pomfrey is a nice lady, she was rather intense about her patients' wellbeings. Perhaps so much so since I found myself not doing much in the infirmary or seeing any visitors..._

As I walked through the corridors, I noticed a familiar blonde waiting, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. "Narcissa." _What was my older cousin doing here waiting? Was she waiting for me? If she needed me, then why didn't she visit? Not like she would have since she is a Black after all. They don't care for anyone but themselves. It would have been a real surprise if she had shown up._

"(Y/N)." She looks down at me with her stern, burning blue eyes. Narcissa, as usual, looked immaculate from head to toe; she was beautiful. There is no denying that, but like the rest of the Black family, she had strong feelings about blood purity— _a shame._ "I see they've discharged you." I nodded. _Obviously... or I wouldn't be here._

"Do be more careful, cousin. We mustn't show such weakness lest these mudbloods try to take advantage. They are the scum of the wizarding world, and they mustn't forget it." My older cousin pushes off the wall, standing in front of me while eyeing my arm. We both stood there in absolute silence, staring at one another. After some time, she pursues her lips in thought before her expression softens. "My wedding is this summer after graduation. I can expect you there, right?" _Of course, I'll be there, I have to be there. "_ Of course." 

"You know, we're still missing a flower girl... I would love it if it were you." She rests a hand on my shoulder as the other pushes a stray lock of hair behind my ear. Right now is a rare moment of fragility with my cousin, which isn't often seen in our family. These are times where I feel conflicted, but I also knew better. 

"Of course, Narci. I'd be honored." She gives me a half-smile and a quick squeeze on my shoulder before leaving. Other than that, my day went on as usual as if nothing had happened. The sad thing about staying in the infirmary has to catch up with the rest of the class. It'll probably be best to ask someone for help rather than trying to figure it out blindly. 

_Ideally, I would ask Lily, but she's already helped me enough since my first day in the hospital wing. It doesn't feel right for me to bother her any further. Probably not the best idea to ask Severus... Right? Perhaps Pandora or Xenophilius could assist me. Although Pandora often seems to be lost in her own world or hyperfocused on whatever task she's on._

_Meanwhile, Xenophilius has a bit of a knack for leaving me more confused than when I first started. It wasn't anything against him. Lovegood is a kind, and relatively open person yet was odd_ — a curiously interesting boy. 

In the end, I decided it was better to just ask the Slytherin. Lily often brags about the brooding ravenette's intelligence. There wasn't a need for her to boast of his mind because I had this instinctive feeling he is someone brilliant ever since we met. It's not because I always see him reading or anything, but this thought of him being more than his hardened exterior. And I think I slowly see it. 

The thing that's been worrying me as of late is these circulations of rumors. The rumor that sticks out is that he arrived here with extensive knowledge of hexes that most students would learn in their seventh year. 

Frankly, I don't know whether I should be impressed or a tad concerned. Regardless these rumors will not bias my opinion of him. 

Still, I feel hesitant about asking him for help. I don't want to ruin my chances of getting him to open up to me, but I could really use his service. My best chance of catching him before classes are more than likely during breakfast. Looks like that's going to be my main priority tomorrow. _If I'm lucky, that is._

What makes me more apprehensive about this is that how this will benefit the ravenette... There's no way he'll agree to help me. _There goes all my confidence._ I dragged my feet back to my house tower with a deep sigh back to the girls' dormitory. _Looks like tomorrow is going to be a long day._ The only thing I can do is sleep and just hope to the Stars and Gods that Snape will at least consider helping me. 

Morning came much faster than I anticipated— it felt like I hadn't slept long—two hours max from the time my head had hit the pillow. Then again, maybe it's because all I've been doing the past few days is sleep. 

I sat up, stretching like a cat after a nap before reaching across my cupboard for my watch. The timekeeper was precious despite the rich materials made of white gold with bead sets of diamonds, which isn't what makes the vintage jewelry piece special. There was a specific nostalgia behind it— it was a gift from my cousin Andromeda. At least when the family would consider her my cousin... 

I must have been about 6 years old when she gave me the wristwatch. 

Mère-mère had given it to my older cousin to pass down to me. At the time, she was sorting through her conflicting feelings regarding our family's strong blood purity ideals. It seemed that mère-mère Beausoleil saw the young witch's inner turmoil when Meda was in her last three years of school. Clearly shows where Mother didn't get her ideas from... That was the last time I've really seen her before she was disowned and erased from the family entirely. 

For me, this was my only way to feel close to both of the witches. So the thought of losing it forever would have destroyed me, but I was lucky. Ever since Snape returned the trinket to me, the sentimentality behind it increased, adding to the reason I could never lose it. Just looking at it right now brought a smile to my face as I recalled the other night with him. Frankly, I don't understand why it became more special after that evening. It just did. 

Once I clasped it onto my wrist, I had gotten ready for the day and made my way for the great hall. The closer I got to the dining hall, the more my nerves buzzed. _Should I really ask Snape? I mean, what if he's already left?_ **_No way, breakfast started about 25 minutes ago..._ ** _I'll just look like an idiot in front of him._ **_You've already done that._ ** _Still! But what if he says no?_ **_Just ask him! What's the worse he can say? He isn't obligated to help you, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't ask._ **

Before I realized it, I was standing in front of the great hall, my inner conflict took over, canceling out the world around me. One moment I had just left my house tower and suddenly I'm right where I needed to be. There was no real way for me to calm the shakiness and the self-conscious thoughts I had. I just had to give it a shot. _Here goes nothing_.

Once I crossed the threshold between the main corridor and the great hall, my eyes darted around the Slytherin table, looking for a particular ravenette. Immediately, I spotted him. As I walked towards him, I had a moment of déjà vu. Like the last time I found him during breakfast, he silently read by himself. Seeing Severus like this has become a natural sigh. It wasn't a bad thing; I actually liked it. There was something serene and right about the sight. Severus was in his element, in his wilderness. 

"Hello... Hello Severus," I panted, shoulders heaving. While his attention was on his book, I still smiled, which I doubt he'd bother to look up or even acknowledge me. Except he surprised me when he glanced up from the beige pages. "So... how are you feeling?" he was reluctant to ask, but either way, he still expressed concern, and it was rather touching. 

"I'm alright, better actually now that I'm out of the hospital wing. Sadly, I've fallen a bit behind," I couldn't help an awkward laugh as I admit I am behind schedule. Snape nods. 

We sat in complete silence. Neither one of us were sure of what to say. The atmosphere bordered between awkward and comfortable— if those two feelings could exist at the same time. _I doubt I'm making any sort of sense. Aha._

"Ahem. I- I was... was wondering if... if you wouldn't mind helping me catch up, maybe?" I bit down on my bottom lip, grinding my teeth against the skin. _There it is, dead silence. Guess I'm on my own._

At this point, I have gotten entirely used to Snape's long pauses of silence, waiting for a response— if there was one anyway. In situations like this, though, I doubt my apprehension could ever get used to it. 

**thump**

Severus had shut his book. _'Moste Potent Potions.'_

It was a beautiful, rich burgundy color, although dull, no doubt it once shined. Around the edges, it had elegant gold filigree. Despite its clearly old, dulling appearance, it was a well-handled and used book, retaining its former beauty. He continued to read it regardless of age, and look, in fact, I often see him reading this particular book. Maybe he has a certain fondness for potions? Or perhaps there is some sort of sentiment behind the text?

"Huuuuuuh." Looking up, I saw the Slytherin rubbing his temple with his eyes closed. "I... I suppose I could tutor you until you've managed to rejoin the rest of the class... However, if I feel that I am wasting my time, I shall leave you to flounder. So, do keep up and retain whatever I teach you." A relieved laugh escapes me. _Snape is like a little hedgehog, spiky and just an angry huffing ball of cuteness. He just doesn't want to express it._ This was him willing to help me all while trying to maintain some distance. I didn't mind, though. If anything, I felt grateful and lucky. Initially, I had my sincere doubts. He never had to agree to his. He gains nothing like how he didn't have to return my watch, yet he did it anyway. 

"Thank you, Severus. When should we meet?" 

"We'll be meeting at the library just after lunch, then I shall see whether or not you are capable of keeping up and maintaining my standards." It was with that, he had gotten up and left. Guess I should go ahead and grab breakfast now before the hall is flooded with all the students that opted for more sleep. 

Even though I was behind and missing notes, all of my classes have been decent. A couple of my friends and classmates took the time to help me on occasion. Frankly, it was great to be back in class. No doubt, some of my peers would have thought otherwise, wishing they could miss a few days just for a break to avoid sitting in class. However, lying around in an empty hospital wing with nothing to do was even more boring than being in class. At least in class, you have other people there and things to do while being alone and confined to bed rest in the infirmary. Plus, we are lucky to be gifted with the magic muggles could only wish and dream of. We have to make the most of it by learning all we can to unlock our potential. I am grateful and proud to have magic and not sound conceited, but I think I'm good at it. My aspiration is to be an extraordinary witch and to learn as much as I am able. Isn't there a muggle saying about making the most of every opportunity one is given, right? And that is the very thing I intend to do. 

Eventually, lunch came around the corner. The public gathering space was filled to the brim with lively students, eating their hearts out, conversing with friends, housemates, and classmates. Stars, I was having a good time myself— it felt nice. As I looked around the hall, I saw the familiar waves of red hair, and I smiled as I knew that it was Lily. Ever since the Sorting Ceremony, she always has a look of enjoyment, always smiling and laughing. It made me happy to see her this way. 

Shifting my attention, I found myself looking off to Salazar's house table. The first person I spotted was my cousin, Narci, conversing with her fellow Slytherins— she had an unreadable expression. As if she knew someone was looking at her, we made direct eye contact. At first, she had a sour look, but I suppose after seeing it was only me, her expression softened slightly. Narci nods to me before redirecting her focus on her entourage. From there, I idly glanced through the rest of their table, my eyes wondering, trying to find one particular Slytherin. Even after eyeing the whole time, the task was proven both complicated and fruitless. He wasn't there. _Has he even walked in yet? I mean, usually, he is always amongst the early arrivers. Maybe he's already making his way out?_

That's when I looked towards the entrance, that's when I saw him. When I first saw him, I couldn't help the twitch of my lips, wanting to do nothing but smile, but that didn't last long. The sight before me had bothered me. Snape wasn't alone. I pursed my lips as I see he was hanging around Axon Avery and Blaise Mulciber, two of his fellow Slytherin. The two boys have already made a reputation of themselves that was anything but positive. Something about them made me feel on edge, I didn't know what it was exactly, but I knew I needed to keep a wary eye on them. 

Whatever Severus is doing with them, I hope he doesn't get warped into whatever trouble they intend to inflict... 

_I think I just lost my appetite._

Finally, the moment arrived when Snape and I are to meet in the library. However, one thing we forgot to do was to name a precise location as to where we'd meet up. So I felt uncertain if he was here already or if he isn't going to show. I was sure he is here— just somewhere. 

Trying to find Severus in the vast library made it feel like a game of hide and seek. Although it was highly unintentional— I doubt Snape would ever play such a game. He'd probably see it as childish. Either way, it was kind of exciting, so I'll play. 

As I passed section after section, I glanced down both ends, looking for the ravenette. However, I only saw other students or no one at all. "Where could he possibly be?" I huffed as I was started to feel defeated. _I guess he isn't h-._ Just like that, I had finally found him, all the way in the back at the DADA section, with an open book in hand. _Thank the Stars!_

Seeing him like this drew me in like the proverbial moth to a flame. It was captivating just watching him. How his lips pursed or how his eyes narrowed as he inspected the open text with a keen eye. Then how sudden his brows pushed together into a scowl, clearly showing his distaste in whatever he was reading. My show hadn't lasted long as he snapped the text shut before reshelving it. 

"Do you always just silently watch people without saying anything? It's becoming a habit now." A burning heat spread across my face as he called me out. _W-what?! How did he know I was here? I didn't think I was loud... was I? Is my presence so apparent? It's like anyone I look at can sense I'm looking at them._ "S-sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just.." I bit on my lip, trailing off. He raised a brow. "It's just what?" 

I felt too embarrassed to look at him to admit what I was doing, what I saw. I kept my eyes trained onto the floor, on my mary janes. "You just looked like you were in deep concentration. I thought you looked... beautiful. Aha, anyway, I didn't want to bother you!" _Stars, why did I say that?_ When he didn't respond, I glanced up through my bangs, wondering what was wrong or if he has a reaction. Snape looked to be lost in thought, his eyes focused elsewhere. This look differed compared to the expression when he was reading. 

"Severus?" Upon hearing his name, his head turned towards me, focusing on me now. "We're wasting precious time. Let's get to work already." Snape turned on his heels, walking away to a corner desk where books were already lying on the surface. I took the seat right next to him and took out all of my necessary materials. 

Our study session wasn't too bad. I already knew the ravenette was smart, but by the Stars, he is brilliant. Whatever 'standards' he spoke of earlier, I think I must have passed his expectations. We're here

still, we studied until we had a few minutes before our next class. 

He had corrected and reformed information from the books and lessons we had. What surprised him was my own inputs. He probably didn't expect it. This is peaceful, just studying, comparing, and exchanging information. 

"Ah, Severus." A male voice penetrated, one I knew. 

_Well, it was peaceful_. 

Said boy had tensed up. "Lucius." I cocked my head, looking behind us to see the tall blonde male. _Lucius Malfoy. He's Narcissa's fiancee, but I wasn't aware Snape knew him as well... Well, they are in the same house after all..._ "I did not expect to see you here." As usual, my future cousin-in-law was so prim and proper. Long platinum blonde hair tied into a ponytail held by a black ribbon. His Slytherin robes are worn to a T, his prefect button at his breast. _Typical perfectionist._

"Yes, well, I'm here picking up a book for a professor." Pressed to his side was said book. Whatever it was, I couldn't make it out. "I hadn't realized you were well acquaintanced with my future cousin-in-law, Snape." A perfectly groomed blonde brow arched. "We take some classes together. I offered her my assistance since she needed tutoring on the lessons she missed during her stay in the infirmary." Whatever tension I saw in Severus vanished. He spoke coolly, calm, and collected. 

Lucius nods and rests his hand on the ravenette's should, " I see. I can trust you've been teaching the sweet Starlet proper. Do take care, I must be getting back. Though I believe you'll treat her with the utmost care. After all, we'll be family. Wouldn't want to disappoint both Blacks and Malfoys, now would you?" The way that Malfoy said that didn't sit right with me. _Arrogant arse._

"No. We wouldn't want that." Severus's grip on his quill tightened. I was surprised it hadn't snapped. The situation at hand was less than pleasant. 

"Good. I'll be seeing you, Snape." With that, Lucius left us in silence. The atmosphere felt unbearably uncomfortable, and I didn't know what to say. Lucius's presence left a tense, gloomy air. 

"I believe that's it for today. You're not as dimwitted as the rest, surprisingly. After today, you should be all caught up and perhaps a little ahead of the class if you continue to reflect on today." He closed his eyes as he exhaled then began packing up. "Wait! Severus," I called out, stopping Snape from making a swift exit. My eyes focused on the back of his crow black hair. "Thank you for your help. I appreciated it and all your input. It was enlightening." My mouth went dry for a moment as I thought about how nice this was. "I... I would love to study with you again sometime. Compare notes and share information." He paused, briefly considering it. "Another time... perhaps." With that, he left with black robes fluttering in his wake. 

I shook my head and let out a soft, short laugh. _Well, that's not a no._

The corner of my lips twitched up in a smile. Before leaving the library, I took one more glance at our study station before a group of other students settled there. Once I was out in the corridors, I couldn't help but remember something. Reaching into the pocket of my robes, I pulled out a small scrap of parchment. The same one attached to the vial said ''drink.' It took me a moment before it finally hit me. 

"It was **him**. Severus." Though he wouldn't admit it to my face, I felt like this was his way of showing he cares. Despite the facade he puts, I believe he's a kind and great person, even if he didn't seem to be the most approachable. After pocketing the parchment, I resumed my strides with a warm feeling radiating in the depths of my chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧ Lemme know what you think!


	7. First year: Christmas Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your first break from Hogwarts, but unfortunately for this holiday, you have to spend it back at the ancestral home much to your dismay. If only you could have stayed at Hogwarts with a particular Slytherin. The entire time you couldn't help but think of him, especially during the time of year where you should be around friends and family that's when you decided to write him a letter and to give him something.  
> Can the break just be over already!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter before the first year is over! ; v ;

Snow.  
It's often one of the first known associations to winter, a symbol of the cold season other than the dull, muted colors of dormant plants. Some people think the plants are dead, but they only appear that way. By now, most animals have migrated or hibernated just until the season ends and the temperature rises again. 

Winter is like the season of rest— at least that's I think. This particular time can be seen as lifeless. However, I believe this is the period where time stops— everything is still and unchangeable.   
Everything about the wintertime was beautiful. I don't know, but I know that winter has always been my favorite season. 

Perhaps it's just the cold air that makes it so appealing. The other seasons are okay, but the cooler ones, such as Autumn and Winter, I'd always choose them. The scorching summer heat and the constant sweating was quite hellish. Absolutely gross.   
Meanwhile, a cold chill in the harvest air brings a familiar shiver that jolts up my spine, a feeling I welcome. Those tingling sensations form goosebumps as a reaction, and strangely this stirred a kind of excitement in me. 

If I was forced to choose between the hot and cool seasons, I'd always pick the latter. The body can regulate its temperature when we are chilled, unlike when we are hot. I mean, it's already hard to cool down, but it's so much easier to warm up. Not to mention there's plenty of cute outfits and layers to be worn during the wintertime. Black clothing is also perfection during this time of year. 

Or was it the melancholy of the season that has me so enthralled? Isn't it queer how even the simplest change in nature that that atmosphere can genuinely affect our mood like, say, the "winter blues?" They say that the primary culprit is the lower level of natural sunlight we are exposed to during autumn and winter. That this lack of natural light can cause a dip in serotonin. Apparently, this neurotransmitter regulates the mood, including its effects on our bodies' internal clocks, changing our sleep cycle and emotions. At least, this is what I've heard from muggles. For me, the reasoning is too informative and biological when my feelings for Jack Frost's time are anything but. There's an odd comfort in the melancholic feelings the season brings—the comfort in being sad. 

Beauty.   
When autumn is just around the corner, people see that the plants are dying, and the atmosphere is gloomy. Those people cannot acknowledge that it is a sweet blend of continuance and change. They don't see that the leaves aren't dead when they spiral and dance to the vibrations of the wind. If we look at the seasons as a show, I think Fall would be intentionally last. Look at it this way, winter would be the start where there isn't really anything, then spring when everything grows and blooms, followed by the consistency of life in the summer. Then to end the year is Fall, crisp harvest air with leaves of saffron, berry, amber, burgundy, and bits of jade. 

Now, there's winter. Its beauty is close to that of the autumnal face. This really when time is frozen—a season of perseverance and solitude. We are often affected by winter, thinking and questioning things we might not usually think about during the summer. The effect has reached into the depths of our souls, evoking more vulnerability and empathy.   
Silence and seclusion are easier to find; neither one is really a bad thing, though. Here you can indeed find peace, but the most important thing is the crystal clear sound of one important voice you do not always listen to, yours. 

Maybe it's just the trademark of winter, snow. There is a significant appeal factor with how one season could change the entire scenery. The stony soil, the land's loneliness, but underneath all of that rigidness, life blooms once more. Beautiful yet harsh. Snow is the time capsule, that moment in time that freezes, a reminder of childhood. Bright and white. 

Frankly, there's nothing like it. No other weather element could compare, how it hits all of our senses. Every falling flake is a reminiscence to that of a shooting star, soundless and fleeting. How snowflakes spiral and twirl making their descent just before melting at their destination. As it builds up, it becomes a heavy costume of white, covering anything and everything outside. Man and animal tracks become easily visible— at least before more snow covers it. People, both muggles and mages, always bundle for warmth, wearing layers and mittens and hats. 

Even if you see nothing but an endless sea of white, you'll hear the distant callings and songs of birds. Children's laughter and outcries of joy as they play around and how the snow crunches beneath their shoes. You know you usually hear nothing when everything is completely motionless, and that's because snow absorbs sound. It's funny how this element can manipulate a thing such as sound. 

Something I've always found weird is people eating snow. It doesn't have a taste. Despite that, it clearly hasn't stopped people from trying. Speaking of, I do hope people avoid consuming ground snow since it's unsanitary. Snowflakes, though, are safe. Still, there no point in eating it or snow in general since it's made of water. It'll just taste like water.   
There is an aesthetic about it, though, to catch a snowflake at the tip of your tongue, letting it dissolve. This is very much a doe-eyed child's dream.   
Honestly, we should just stick to more enjoyable things like cocoa, coffee, and seasonal treats. 

So, people may not believe me, but before it snows, there's a different aroma. The cold, white powder brings an indescribable fragrance, possibly caused by humidity, the weather's coldness, or maybe a stimulating nerve.   
Winter smells of home and comfort. Evergreen pine, peppermint, the smoke of the crackling fireplace, and the sweetness of chocolates, ginger, and cinnamon.   
Those odors aren't always appreciated due to the icy winds and harshness the temperature can bring, leaving your nose bright red and burning. Thus taking our ability to smell, stuffing up our noses. 

Just as it can take away our sense of smell, the cold weather can affect our entire body, leaving exposed skin rosy and tingling with numbness. Extended exposure to the frigid winds often feels like they're just trying to pass right through us. We anchor our feet into place in response, nuzzling into our layers and layers of clothing for heat.  
  
I'm not really painting the best picture of just how people the season is, am I? At least giving it the recognition it truly deserves.   
This is a beautiful time of the year, and it isn't because of the holidays. Nature's appearance changes from vivacious to dormant and still. 

No matter how many times a person experiences snowfall, the crystalized world will always be magical. Everything covered in powdered sugar and trees looking like delicate ballet dancers, bare and thin, while adorned in icy jewels. 

No matter how profound and extraordinary something is, people eventually move on with their lives— a real shame.  
So many things go unappreciated, like this winter wonderland. 

Unfortunately, I had to go home for the holidays. I wish I could spend the holiday at Hogwarts, where I could have actively enjoy the season. Spend time with family and simply exist as they continue preparations for Narci's upcoming wedding. As a family, we don't willingly spend time with one another, only when there's business, but they are unpleasant in all cases. A house full of Blacks isn't something I'd wish upon anyone. It would have been fantastic just spending this Christmas alone, although it would be more enjoyable if my friends stayed as well. 

  
This was the last day at Hogwarts before all the students flood the station, returning to King's Cross Station reuniting with our families for the break. Surprisingly after my tutoring session with Severus, he occasionally met up with me at the library where we'd study and rework information together. Like all the other times with Snape, it was always silent except when we'd point things out and exchange thoughts and seek others' opinions. You know, despite the lack of friendly banter and getting to know one another, as much as I'd love for it to happen, I was content. This right here was enough for me. Remember, one step at a time. 

"So, any plans for the holiday, Severus?" His eyes were trained on the book before him, scribbling down notes and corrections in the margins. After a few study sessions, I noticed him doing that, which alarmed me since I wasn't the type to write in books. At first, I persistently tried to get him to write on pieces of parchments, even journals, but he'd scowl at my attempts. He continued this habitat, I gave up trying since it was clear he was set in his way. "Nothing. It's just another day for me. Besides, I'll be here." 

"Really? You're not at least going home for Christmas?" I set my quill down against my stack of papers just before propping my arm onto the table. With that, I was able to rest my head upon my palm while focusing on the ravenette intently. "No. I already said I'm staying here." 

What genuinely bothers me and hurts because Severus never stops, never glancing up or looking at me. He just never looks my way, and for me, it makes me feel like he isn't acknowledging me, but I know he listens. I don't know how to really explain it. 

Even though he never looks up, I can watch him though he always knows I am. It appears that he has forgone mentioning it. _Not that I'm complaining._  
My favorite physical feature of the Slytherin is perhaps his raven black hair. Though my cousin and friends enjoy having a go at him and his hair, it's my favorite. How his hair falls and frames his face, I'm confident when he grows older it'll get longer he'll be handsome. As of right now, though, he's adorable. It felt refreshing to see him so concentrated, so immersed in his readings, and even how he scowls and furiously scratches errors and corrections in his books. There's unusual pleasantness about him whether he is merely there or just doing the most mundane of things. A wave of calm just washes over me. It's like there's nothing else but this moment: no stress, no worries, nothing but the two of us in the corner of the library. 

"Ah, I see. Well, I have no choice but to go home this holiday. If I didn't, I would have opted to stay here and celebrate Christmas with you." I gave him a sympathetic smile though it'd go unseen like the rest. Severus grunts, acknowledging me. "I'll still write you, Snape." Finally, at that moment, a pair of onyx orbs glanced up, at last, staring me right in the eyes. The ravenette silently watches me as if he was trying to see if I was genuine. "That is unnecessary. I do not need you checking up on me like a child. No need to waste your time and energy worrying about me." He rolls his eyes and shakes his head before resuming the notes he's been working on. 

Yes, I knew I didn't have to write to him, there are no obligations, but I just wanted to. Severus doesn't exactly have many friends, and he won't be with family. I wanted him to know that at least someone is thinking of him during a time of joy. He deserves the same amount of attention and affection. "You don't think I know that? That doesn't matter to me, though, because I want to do it." His response came as a sigh. "Someone will be thinking of you, Snape. You deserve that, especially since this is a time of family and friends. As your friend, I want you to have an enjoyable holiday." The hasty scratches from his quill came to a halt. Inspecting him, I could see his hand was tense as it held onto the writing utensil tightly. Severus simply sat there, unmoving. _Did I say something wrong?_

"Ahem. Well, I... I'll see you after the break, okay? Don't feel like you have to write back. I just don't want you to feel forgotten." I stood up after swiftly yet clumsily packing my belongings. Snape watching me do so didn't really make things easier. I felt embarrassed and slightly insecure, I couldn't help but cross my arms close to my chest.   
Nothing. _Sigh. I guess that's just my cue to leave._

Turning on my heels, ready to make a speedy course for Ravenclaw Tower, I stopped as soon as I heard my name. Frankly, I was surprised as I slowly turned back around Snape was looking in my direction. I hadn't expected another response, but here he is, surprising me. "Have a good holiday." _Wait... Did Severus 'Mr. Silent brooding bookworm' Snape, wish me a good holiday? It shouldn't be a surprise, yet it is. He just doesn't seem to be the type to greet someone about holidays._  
As silly as it to admit, it made my cheeks flush with a rosy heat. For some reason, whatever it may be, it made me happy. "Thank you, Severus. Have a good Christmas." A dimpled smile was my farewell gift to him before I left the library.  
Before I turned and left, I could have sworn that I saw the corner of his lip twitch up as if he was returning the gesture. 

Unfortunately, it seemed that Severus would indeed be alone this holiday since Lily, too, was going home. We both sat together in our usual compartment. Here Lily went on a tangent regarding her family traditions for Christmas and all her favorite memories.   
Apparently, Lily and her older sister, Petunia, used to decorate the tree together. Their father would lift them both up to put the star at the top. Their mother would cook the holiday meal with their father cooking the ham, Petunia and Lily would then help their mum make cookies. Another fun thing they did together was curl up on the couch, watch a show or movie on the telly and drink hot chocolate as a family.   
Everything seemed to be straight out of those picture-perfect muggle tv families. Honestly, it made me happy to see how her eyes sparkled as she vividly explains their tradition. It was clear they were a close family. While I was pleased for her, I couldn't help but envy their close bond and happiness. Ideally, that was the kind of family I wanted. 

Before getting off the train and stepping onto King's Cross Station Platform 9¾, where my parents were waiting, I had given my redhead friend a tight hug. "Happy holidays, Lily! I'll see you on the way back!"  
"You too!" She waves. I knew better than to bid her farewell out on the platform because I know mother and father, how they'd prod me about the redhead. 'Who is that, Starlet?' 'What family is she from?'   
Sighing deeply, I dragged my feet to where my parents, Ophiuchus and Ara Black, stood. They both stood tall and proud, sharply dressed in black from head to toe, and both had stern expressions. _No doubt they were mentally scrutinizing passers._ Mother stood at father's side, linking her arm through his crossed ones, leaning in close to him.   
"Starlet." Father curtly nods as his gaze pierces me. Mother retracts her arm as she now stood before me, engulfing me in her arms into... a hug? Affection was seldomly expressed unless it was towards father, so her embrace felt awkward. It was foreign to me. Luckily the uncomfortable physical contact didn't last long before she pulled back, letting her beautiful yet intense hazel eyes inspecting me. Both Ophiuchus and Ara Black, like all Blacks, are stunning. 

Ara Black nee Beausoleil, like the Black family, is of French descent. Stars. Other women envy her good genes while the men envied the man she's with. Her face was structured with a heart, smooth skin, curvy and sculptural body with well-groomed brows and an aristocratic nose. Her hair was long, bouncy, and shiny that was a sort of mahogany color. But to me, I always think of raspberries dripping in chocolate.   
Then her eyes were cat-like and hazel in a color that shifts depending on the lighting. When it's light and sunny, they seem to be a vibrate green with glowing amber specks. While in the dark, they were primarily a honey brown in the center ringed by an apple green hue. Lips that were often pressed together like twin rose petals and as the same color. However, she rarely smiled. 

The youngest of four siblings to which she is estranged with so barely I know about my maternal family. Other than Mere-mere, even then mother hates talking about her family, she never left little me alone with her own mother. Why I don't know.   
Anytime I would ask about her family, she tells me that it wasn't of any importance and none of my business. Father and I were her family and, to some extent, even the rest of the Blacks. Eventually, I learned it was pointless trying to pursue the desire to learn about my extended maternal family. The Blacks we live with are the only important ones to know and weddings into the family. 

Then, my father, Ophiuchus Black, second son of Arcturus Black and Melania Macmillan, younger brother to Orion Black. Standing beside Uncle Orion or even his beautiful wife, he was like a giant, tall in height. Like his beloved, Ophiuchus is vain, ensuring he looked his best despite being blessed with godly genes. Fit, muscular with a diamond face and sharp cheekbones, pointed nose, and a clean-shaven face. His caramel blonde hair was a texturized crop. The sides and back were cropped, while the top was long in length— _wonder whose hair I would have inherited. Not that it matters. To me, I was simply born with snowy hair._  
In contrast to Uncle Orion's steel eyes, Ophiuchus's are deep-set espresso brown. Very much like my mother, his lips were often firmly pressed together, never smiling. 

In short, it was clear to anyone I had gorgeous parents without a doubt. Still, they are standoffish, snobbish, and often unamused. Both of them knew how to pretend when they needed to, though. _Not that they always did..._

It took maybe 20 minutes from King's Cross Station to 12 Grimmauld Place, our trip was silent. The ancestral home is so dull and lifeless, I often spent my time alone since there wasn't really any comfort anywhere. I mainly hole up in my bedroom, but it's just as unnerving because of the wallpaper. However, it was better to put up with the uncomfortable decor than to deal with family. 

One room I deliberately avoided was the family tapestry room. Each member born into the Black family is printed on a branch with a parchment under them containing their birth. Unfortunately, not all of those on the tapestry remain in our history. Disowned family members are blackened out of the family tree, their descendants unacknowledged and unrecorded. Even keeping in contact with those who've been disinherited risks being smudged out of the wall. _As if it was a mistake..._

This was something I hated. Aunt Walburga forced my cousins and me to watch to see the consequences of being a 'traitor.'   
_That could be me one day..._  
 _Ripped out of the family, tossed aside, marked out like some careless mishap. Do they have no heart? Is the relationship of a family member so insignificant to that of blood purity?_  
 _How can this even be a family?_

  
This was supposed to be a joyous holiday. Still, nothing is happy at 12 Grimmauld Place, where everything remained dark and muted. None of the decors invoked the jolly holly spirit of the season, in the corner of the lounge by the mantle, a full pine tree with only dull, round red ornaments. It was muted like the rest of the house. The image is so monotone and oddly gave off the illusion that the tree is bleeding.   
However, it feels like it was intentional.   
The only thing that breaks the dull colors and redness was the white specks, Christmas presents. Nothing but red, redder and redder, never enough red, it seems. Red to show the importance of blood and the white for purity.  
Typical.

  
As the holiday progresses, distant relatives gather to the ancestral home, greeting each other after avoiding one another for the majority of the year. During these moments, they would boast about whatever achievement or good graces they've had since the last Christmas. It was a competition, always trying to best the other in anything to everything. If they weren't cutthroat to one another, then they'd share gossip of the magic world in hushed and not so hushed tones. 

What made this year different was cousin Narci's upcoming summer wedding that'll take place after she and Lucius graduate. Feigned pleasantries were given, and nosy questions and harassing reminders bombarded the blonde girl.   
'Oh, where is the wedding being held at?'   
'Remember you have a lot of expectations to live up to as a Black and future Malfoy, but you will always be a Black.'   
'You have to produce plenty of beautiful, healthy pureblood children. Keep the blood pure and the lineage strong.'   
_This was hardly a congratulation or anything worth celebrating... Not that my opinions even matter either way since I am merely a child..._

"And what of you, Ophiculus? Have you found a fit suitor for the little Starlet?" A relative prods, curious about something that was certainly none of their business and the thing I never wanted to think about— an arranged marriage.  
 _What is this? The 18th century? This shouldn't even be on my mind or anyone for the matter! I am only 11-years-old!_  
 _All of this just to maintain a stupid, ancient blood status. Why bother? It's harder to keep the bloodline 'pure' considering there are only 28 families left. All of us are nearly related at this point. So the options of marrying into a pureblood family are slim to none. Doesn't really change how pureblood supremacy fanatics my family is so far as to practice inbreeding... So... So utterly vile._

"Ara and I haven't decided yet. We have a minimal selection in mind, but don't you think it's best to discuss it at another time? After all, we gathered here for a holiday and Narcissa's upcoming union with the Malfoy boy." Father's tone had a warning edge to it, inexplicitly signaling them to drop it. 

As soon as the opportunity came, I slipped away to my bedroom, throwing myself onto my bed. "I bet Lily's holiday is way better than mine right now." No doubt they were decorating the tree together, baking cookies, just having quality time. _But what about Severus?_ I clutched my pillow to my chest, wondering how the Slytherin was holding up. _Hopefully, he's at least having a decent time..._

Sudden soft squeaking and clinking had pulled me from my thoughts.   
Eros. Looking at the corner of my room by my bed, I could see the small black mammal wrapped inside his hanging canopy bed, sleeping soundly. During the Yuletide, Eros hibernates until spring, so I have to borrow my mother's owl during that time. She has a male Eurasian scops owl, mainly grey with brown touches. His feathers often resembled tree bark, and his eyes somewhat reminded me of mother's. However, they were a pale olive green that was often squinting as if he is glaring. No doubt that he was. The owl hated everyone except for his master. Something I never understood was the name she had given the angry bird. Vrai or as she sometimes called him 'pue Vrai.' Oddly, she named him after the french word for 'true,' thus calling him little true. 

He is indeed little, but his bites were anything but small. Anyone he sees there is an instant hatred. Vrai ends up attacking, clawing and biting whoever he deems lesser than him. _A real charmer... Such an arse for a bird._ _The only time he isn't aggressive is around mother, where he'll sing and call her. Even though he's quite mean, I cannot deny they make an exciting sound. A sound I cannot precisely describe, I think the closest is the beeping of a muggle car alarm._  
I had no choice but to use Vrai if I want to send a letter to Snape. I just hope the beast doesn't try to bite him. If I could, I would send Eros instead, but there isn't much I can do in the given circumstance, nor would I send my friend out in such cold weather. 

Hopping off my bed and towards my desk, I pulled out a quill, parchment piece, and an envelope. My fingers twirled the feather writing utensil as I thought of what to say.   
'Dear Severus.' _Wait, no, is that perhaps too familiar and forward? Would Snape appreciate it? He wouldn't, right? We've come far from the first day of school, but I don't think he's still that close to me..._  
'To Snape.' _Ugh. That doesn't seem to fit either... Why is writing this letter so hard?!_ **_It isn't hard at all! You are merely overthinking things, as usual, and making everything more complicated than necessary—a prevalent thing with you lately._**  
With a fresh piece of parchment and renewed vigor, I began a new letter, determined to make this the best and last. 

Happy holidays Severus,

Can you believe that Christmas is only two days away already? Time sure has flown by, hasn't it?  
Is it odd to admit that I am looking forward to returing already? Since leaving I have already missed Lily... and you. Perhaps I am just so accustomed to our life at Hogwarts already and being around you two.   
Ah, sorry. There I go again, rambling. I do that quite a bit, don't I?  
Anyway, that isn't the reason I am writing to you today. As I've said before leaving the library that day, I would write to you and here I am. Hopefully, you've been well and you have a peaceful holiday. Remember this is just to show you someone is thinking of you this break. Please do not feel obligated to respond.  
I hope you enjoy my gift. I had gotten you the lastest DADA book as well as this one particular book is by an author I enjoy, and I do hope you'd enjoy this. I've already known you at least had a keen interest in DADA and potions/  
See you soon,  
(Y/N) Black

P.S.  
My apologies if Vrai attempts (and/or successfully) attacks and bites you. Unfortunately, he is the only owl around for me to use. He has a natural aggressive inclination. 

Finally, I finished the letter.   
I sealed the letter in the envelope, sealing it close with my stamp. There were hesitation and insecurities inside of me, how I felt self-conscious about the note and how I might look to the Slytherin.   
Once that part was out of the way, I opened the bottom drawer of my desk, pulling out a scarlet 18th-century hardcover book and a dark grey book. The texts are wrapped with emerald green paper with a plum to a black color ribbon with precision and delicate hands. Under the ribbon bidding, a small note was set addressed to Severus. 

Aggressive calls echoed in the office when I walked in. Across the room was the permanently pissed bird, glaring through the bars of his cage.   
"Before I even consider letting you out, you best not bite me, or I won't give you a treat." My (e/c) orbs glared back into narrow olive green ones, a standstill of nothing but silence before Vrai cries out affirmatively.   
"You're going to deliver these to Severus Snape at Hogwarts, okay?" His eyes shifted briefly to the mail he'd deliver before looking back at me.   
I opened his cage with a sharp breath, which he flew out of immediately as it was unlocked, perching on the desk. My body shook with nerves as I secured everything to the grey owl, wary of the winged creature.   
"MERLIN!" I yelped, snatching my hand away from the bird who had blood dripping from his small yet incredibly sharp beak. _So much for being wary!_ Little arse bit me! Vrai lets out another call as if he was laughing at me while flying out, set on completing his task. "Such an arseling," I muttered against my hand, sucking my bloody finger as I stalked out of the office. Hopefully, Snape doesn't experience the royal treatment Vrai had graced me. 

**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**   
**Library**

In the furthermost corner of the library, a particular ink haired boy sat alone by a window, reading in silence. This is the only time the library is genuinely dead quiet, and Snape found it peaceful. No interruptions, not a sound except for the occasional turning of pages, but even that barely made a sound. Here he could feel completely safe, unguarded compared to all the other times he's here. Indeed a peaceful moment.   
At least it was before there came an unrelenting pattern of tapping and clicking vibrated from the closed window.   
_Well, it was peaceful._ _What could possibly be making such a ruckus?_

Setting his book down, Severus walks to the window, trying to see through the foggy glass, but he could not see what was out there. Once the window was cracked open, a grey owl with brown specks swooped in, perching itself by the tome. The bird held a green package wrapped with a dark ribbon where a letter was secured. The Slytherin frowned, cautious and confused about the sudden and mysterious delivery. Who could have... A sudden calling from the owl had cut Severus's thoughts, gaining the boy's attention. Its peas for eyes squinted in an unimpressed glare, which he couldn't help but roll his eyes at. As Severus extends his hand out, reaching for the owl mail, the feathered menace lashed forward, looking to bite his hand. Luckily for the cautious male, he managed to retract his hand quick enough to avoid the sharp beak from piercing his flesh. 

  
"Try that again, I dare you, and I shall make you into my new quill," Snape hissed, glaring at the flying beast with dark narrow eyes. The look and energy the young lad emanated were enough to shake the bird's hostile attitude as it fell backward. How the owl's wings spasmed as it stumbled to regain its footing. Giving the messenger one last cautious look, he takes the package. He removes the letter, seeing it was indeed addressed to him. 

On it, he saw his name was written beautifully in fluid, curled cursive print and it was fastened shut by an indigo wax seal. The stamp is very geometrical in design. Its most notable features are the sun in the center and the moon below it. Severus found it very elegant and formal.   
Pale, cold hands skillfully lift the seal, leaving it completely intact. Once the letter is retrieved from its sleeve, the lone boy automatically noticed a few crimson stains upon it. After giving the ruddy smudges one more lookover, Severus unfolds the letter, automatically he realized who had written him.   
The only white-haired girl in the entire school came into mind.  
Black.   
A part of him couldn't believe she indeed fulfilled her promise, but it didn't due to all their previous encounters at the token. She was always persistent and stubborn. Onyx eyes quickly skimmed the letter's contents.  
A gift? Severus lowers the paper onto the desk, glancing over at the green paper clad books. With the same skill and care, he had shown the stamp, the ribbon came off in an instance followed by the wrapping paper. His breath hitches once he gets a good look at the literary works before him. The book on top is a brand new charcoal grey tome. It was the latest addition to the Defense Against the Dark Arts genre. What really took his breath away was that this book was written by someone competent and meticulous with their work. How Black knew he'd love him was beyond him, much less as to why she'd even given him this, but by Merlin, he cannot deny he was pleased. There was no way he could have gotten a copy of this novel on his own. It had only been out for a few months, and in a pristine condition like this? There was no way he would have ever been able to afford something as luxurious as this. How fortunate he was. While Severus was delighted with his gift, he wouldn't allow the pureblood girl to see it. Still, he felt that she should know he appreciated the present.   
_Maybe she did indeed pay attention... Looking back at it, out of most people other than Lily, it was clear that Black had a basic understanding of me and my interests... However, I'm sure anyone who pays attention, much less has a brain, could figure out something as simple as that._  
 _Wait, books, there was another one._ The dark-haired boy moved aside the first book. Under it, he sees an 18th-century scarlet-styled tome with golden filigree. That was all that was on it. _Guess I have to open it and see what this is..._

  
When he opened it;  
**The Hunger** **ing Ledger: A mixed set of Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Potions.**  
 **Ceneth**

  
 _An interesting name... However, is it even worth my time? Just who is this 'Ceneth?' From what the Slytherin could see, the author was simply known by the mononym of Ceneth. I guess as a kindness, I will give this some of my time to 'repay' the snowy-haired Ravenclaw._  
Vrai spent the entire time warily watching the male, and once the human before him suddenly moved, it had startled the bird as it clumsily flapped back. Obviously, the ordinarily hostile bird was in fear of the brooding boy's threat. The only way to avoid it is to appeal to him.   
Suddenly Snape felt a sharpness at his shoulder, and when he turned his head, immediately feathers tickled his face. Scrunching his nose, he looks up to see that Vrai had perched himself on him, giving the bird a stern questioning look. _What the bloody hell is this beast doing?_ Except it did nothing but shift its stance on its makeshift perch. Something that he finally noticed was the stains on its peak. "I assume you did this?" The letter was held up, obviously referring to the fading vermillion marks on the edges.   
The owl lowers its head down in embarrassment, its silence confirming Snape's suspicions. Rolling his eyes, Severus sets the book and letter on the other end of the table and shifts around for a quill and spare piece of parchment. As he hastily scribbles something down, the owl sits there making soft cooing as it watched the boy. "You shall take this with you once you leave." He holds up the note he quickly wrote for the bird, who took it with great reluctance. With his response secured to the messenger owl, it flew off back home and to its master—the window shutting behind Vrai.   
After a brief moment, Snape gathered up his belongings, quickly giving his new books one more look before tucking them securely under his arms. With his further readings, Severus intends to relax in the Slytherin common room where he can enjoy them fully. 

**12 Grimmauld Place**

  
The next day, I immediately snuck back into the office, hoping to find Vrai. However, once I was inside, it had looked the same as it did yesterday, minus the owl I was looking for. Guess Vrai isn't back yet...  
Just as I was about to leave the office, the fluttering of wings caused me to turn around. The moment I did, something shocking happened. Instead of landing on his cage or the desk, Vrai was perched on my shoulder. What made it even more surprising was that he wasn't making any angry screeches or attempts to bite me either. _What in Stars' name?_  
Despite Vrai's unusual behavior, I didn't intend to lower my guard around him. Looking over at the grey owl, we immediately made eye contact. We stood there having a standoff until he made a call, nuzzling himself at my cheek as he dropped an envelope. Digging my teeth into my bottom lip, I tried my best not to just rip the paper to reach the note inside.   
  
Snape’s letter:  
(Y/n),  
You weren’t joking about the bird.  
The cursed winged beast attempted to take a bite out of me as he’s done to you. A little threat of promising to make him into my new quill changed his mood. He curled up on my shoulder, in fact, with a sort of song. You should worry about any further issues with him.  
Thank you for the gifts.  
Merry Christmas.  
Severus  
  
_Wow, Snape responded... I didn't expect him to. What's even more surprising is the fact he tamed Vrai! No one but mother can tame him yet he managed it. And to ensure the menacing owl doesn't cause further problems for me is even more mindblowing. It makes me wonder how it all happened. Haha._  
This is undoubtedly the peak of my break. A hastily written note I thought I'd never get from the Slytherin. While he might not deny it, this was yet another step in our sprouting friendship.   
This filled me with a warmth that the best cup of cocoa could never compare to. It was most definitely sweeter, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧ Lemme know what you think!


	8. First year: End of the year | A summer wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from the break, you found yourself rather productive. Seeking out Flitwick for the future, having an odd but welcomed exchange with the headmaster, a conversation with your favorite brooding Slytherin bookworm, and lastly a summer wedding. If you're lucky you could get insight into your unavoidable future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! Finished the first-year chapters. Now we can move ahead!   
> Also sorry for taking so long just sometimes depression and the awful feeling of disinterest take a toll.   
> Even if I take long, please know I am determined to finish this story. 
> 
> Any and all mistakes are my own as my works are unbeta'd.

Finally, the break came to a swift even though it felt too slow for me since the very beginning. It's funny how time can be and how it can make us feel. Time is the measurement of change, although it is unique since we cannot control it since it merely keeps passing. Regardless I was excited to return to Hogwarts. How I missed class, the castle grounds, and my friends. The thing I was looking forward to most of all is seeing Severus. 

And Lily, of course! 

The study sessions between Snape and I became a favorite of mine, mostly since that was the only time I got to spend with the Slytherin. However, I doubt he shares the same fondness. 

_ That's okay, though...  _

_ The school year is nearly over, our second year coming in tow. Honestly, things get better with each passing year at Hogwarts because there are more privileges. Next year I'll be eligible to join the Dueling Club. I'll have to make sure I speak with Professor Flitwick.  _

_ Previously, I've mentioned that the Charms master was a well-known duelist champion who happens to be the club overseer and my head of house. Frankly, who better to ask for an apprenticeship on dueling than a former duelist champion himself? Well, perhaps Headmaster Dumbledore would have been the perfect candidate to ask. Still, I cannot ask that of the wizard, now can I?  _

_ Either way, Professor Flitwick is a good alternative, so it doesn't matter. Maybe if the Stars are on my side, I'll be lucky enough to learn beyond what is taught within the club. After all, among all of the professors, the short man is the kindest and most understanding, so I think my chances are high. Though I hope I just didn't jinx myself...  _

_ Speaking of clubs, it makes me wonder if Severus and Lily have their eyes set on something. Personally, I can confidently say quidditch is neither one of them's cup of tea, so that's out. Lily doesn't seem to be much of a duelist type, perhaps more so to protect those she loves. On the other hand, I could definitely see Severus joining the Dueling Club. Honestly, it'd be nice if he joins. If he does join, we both could spend more time together. I mean... I already spend so much time around Lily. The redhead and I would soak our feet in the icy waters down at the Black Lake. When Ravenclaw and Gryffindor have classes together, we'd be partners for the most part. Other times we'd meet at the library to study, much like the sessions Severus and I have together, but it was lively and playful.  _

_ So there are no worries about not spending enough time with the Gryffindor. It's just the particular ravenette I want to get closer to. At least I still have six more years to accomplish that.  _

The last night of Christmas break, I felt too ecstatic to fall asleep. My body was wired at the knowledge of being on the train to Hogwarts tomorrow morning with my best friend. Since Severus stayed behind, it'll just be Lils and me in the compartment we first met. It became our compartment: Lily, Severus, and I's box. 

She'll tell me about her holiday, which was better than mine, of course, just more quality girl time. 

I received numerous gifts during the time, but the season lacked spirit and love. This time isn't about presents and other materialistic junk but bonding. All of what Christmas should be didn't exist in my household; all the things during the celebration are fake. 

Proud relatives that avoid one another every other day of the year except for this particular day. Their false pleasantries, disingenuine smiles, all while tooting their own horns. 

Everyone had to have had a better holiday. Hopefully, Lily and Severus had an excellent holiday. Someone deserves to have a good time. 

Even though time with my family is less than ideal, I am grateful for the gifts I received. No one is really obligated to give another a gift, but people do it willingly. The gift I loved the most out of everything was this beautiful, peculiar book on Nicolas Flamel. Everyone knows who Flamel is. 

He is a famed French scribe and manuscript-seller with a reputation as an alchemist in the Muggle world. Yet he is so much more than that. Sure he is a renowned alchemist, but he also one of the most spectacular wizards. Though the latter is overshadowed by the fact, he is the famous creator of the Philosopher's Stone. It is a legendary alchemical substance with incredible powers coveted after by both the Muggle and Magic world. 

A common belief is that Vitriol is an ordinary substance because it's all around us. It goes by unrecognized and unappraised. One of the only myths about the actual stone is its color, which is blood-red. This represents the rubedo stage, or what is known to alchemists as the reddening stage. Many arts and alchemical writing symbols represent this stage, including blood, a phoenix, or even a rose. Personally, I think only blood or the phoenix can mean the legendary stone properly.  _ 'For the  _ **_ life of the flesh _ ** _ is in the  _ **_ blood _ ** _.' _

_ The life of every living creature is through blood. It is the reason for being.  _

The Magnus Opus of the alchemic world is also symbolic of presence, which the phoenix represents life, transformation, and rebirth. 

Alchemists and non-alchemists sought after the tincture to transform base metals into precious ones such as gold and silver. However, that isn't the only power it possesses. From it comes the elixir of life, the mixture of immortality: a cure-all and the key to eternal youth. Imagine if this lands in the wrong hands? How they could use it for their own gain... 

Understand me, it is the ultimate alchemic discovery, but it needs to be protected if not destroyed even...  _ Perhaps it's for the best. Still, I could just dream of being under the tutorage of Nicolas Flamel. A legend in alchemy and a powerful wizard in his own right. Stars.  _

_ That's where it'll remain, though, in my dreams.  _

_ For now, I should be thinking of the present, making sure I have everything packed and stored for tomorrow. All of the necessities should already be neatly packed in my luggage, set by the door, ready for my departure tomorrow morning. Mother (not that she even wanted to) will be taking me and my cousin, Sirius, down to the station.  _

_ I've come to have no faith in this family, no real attempts at being an actual family. It's because we simply won't ever be one.  _

_ On several occasions, I feel that I'm not even a Black. I disagree with their beliefs. There's not much that really ties me to the family, not even my own name. So am I really a Black? Or am I just a stand-in?  _

_ Home never really felt like home. I mean, isn't a home supposed to be a safe haven? The one place I could be my most authentic self. Except I don't feel any of those. The closest I can even consider a home right now is Hogwarts. Only several hours before I'm home again.  _

My eyes grew heavy with sleep, allowing me to succumb to a dreamless sleep. 

Unfortunately for me, I couldn't help but toss and turn throughout the night. Every other hour or so, I would wake up. I felt so restless, so wired. 

I ended up waking up earlier than I needed to, which allowed me to do mundane tasks. Not that I had much to do since I had everything ready last night. So I read. Books made things better, even if it's momentarily changing the scenery around me; reading is my favorite hobby because of it. Everyone needs to escape their reality somehow. This happened to be mine. Still, my parents influenced this though, they didn't want me reading books by novels. If they did, they had to approve of them. 

Surprisingly, but not so, Shakespeare is among their 'approved list' despite that he was a squib. Although it didn't stop me from hiding away books, they deem inappropriate because it was written by muggles. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.  _ So stupid.  _

_ " _ ** Starlet ** ," mother's firm voice pulled me from my thoughts. "It's time to go now. We cannot have you children missing the train now."  _ Was it really time to go? _ Glancing towards the old grandfather clock, it read '10:37.'  _ Stars, we have to leave soon, or else we'll definitely miss the train then. _ "Go fetch your worthless cousin."  _ While I disliked my cousin, I didn't think it was fair to belittle him as far as calling him worthless... _

Going upstairs to Siri's room, I found the door ajar, and I could hear him and his younger brother, Regulus. I could see the two dark-haired brothers lying on the floor with a wizard chessboard between them from the slight opening. Sirius wasn't that big of a fan of wizard chess, mainly because he wasn't that great at it, but he only played it because Regulus would ask him. "Regulus," I greeted as I leaned against the door. "Sirius, it's time to go." 

"What? Already? Can't you stay for one more game, Siri?" The younger black frowned. "Sorry, Reg, we'll play more when I'm back," Sirius ruffled his younger brother's combed black hair until it was out of place. With that, we had walked down the steps. "Ready to go back?"

"I'd be ready to go anyway as long as I'm out of here. Why do you care?" Sirius snorts.  _ Okay, rude. Arse. _ "Just making small talk with my cousin. Is that so wrong?" I rolled my eyes. 

"Small talk, huh? We've barely spoken to one another before, so why start now? Not to mention, don't you hang out with Snivellus?" 

"I'm changing it now, ain't I? You've never spoken to me before either."  _ Relationships are a two-way street. You're partially at fault, too! Absolute wanker.  _ "Don't call him that, Siri. His name is Severus." I couldn't help but get annoyed at that stupid nickname. 

"Oh, come on. Do you have a crush on him or something?"  _ A crush?! Me having a crush on Snape? That's nonsense!  _ "No! I do not have a crush on Severus! He's a good friend!" 

"Sure you don't. It's just a joke anyway." Sirius shakes his head. "Surprised that freak has any other friends besides those no good Slytherin and Evans." 

"You're such a bastard. I don't understand why you have to be so mean to him. Just leave him alone, Sirius." I stomped down the steps where mother was waiting with Kreacher, who was holding onto my luggage. My cousin stood before us at the base of the stairs with his own baggage in hand. "That is all, Kreacher. Begone." Mother gives the grey house elf a stern look as he dragged his feet. "Honestly, boy, you need to be more like your cousin. Tch, Walburga's little failure." She snorts. "Carry the bags and let us be off."

Mother took me by the arm, her grip tight, and her pace was quick. It felt like she was dragging me to the train station rather than accompanying us. My cousin lagged behind us, carrying both his and my bags.  _ Sirius is right to be ready to go anywhere as long as we were away from home. While we aren't the closest of relatives, I overhear the things they say about him... They aren't the kindest things either. At least we'll be away from it even if the year is nearly over.  _

Just in the nick of time, we had managed to arrive at Platform 9¾. With a feeble attempt of a goodbye, Ara Black disappeared among the sea of people on the platform like she was never there. "Here's your bag, perfect 'Starlet.'" Sirius shoves the bag into my arms before boarding the train.  _ Guess I should see if Lily is in our compartment... _

I didn't find her until after passing by several compartments, there I discovered the redhead looking out the window, bored. Her face was humorous because she made it known that she hated the long train ride the first time we met. Once I opened the door, she turned over to me with that infectious smile of hers. 

"Finally! It took you forever to get here!" Lily jumps up from her seat and engulfs me in a tight embrace. "I've missed you. So, tell me, how was your break?"  _ Probably not as good as yours. _ "I miss you too, Lily. It was alright."  _ Though it could have been much worse.  _ "What about you? Tell me about your holiday, did you have fun spending time with your family?" I stored my bag before sitting across from Lily. "It was great! I missed them a lot, so it was lovely seeing everyone. We sang some Christmas songs, drank hot chocolate, watched Christmas movies. Tunia and I helped mother make cookies, and we even built a gingerbread house." The Gryffindor gushed with starry eyes as she recounted her break as if it had happened only moments ago. From the way she described it, they are a tight-knit family. Despite how I heard tension between her and her older sister, Petunia envied Lily since she was their family's pride. No one paid the older Evans girl any mind because she wasn't 'special.' There was no shred of doubt it'll ruin the relationship between the two sisters as time goes by. 

Like our first time arriving, it was nighttime once we reached Hogsmeade station. Carriages were already waiting once we got off to escort us through the cold airy night back to the school. This night made me feel nostalgic. It felt so good to be home. 

Headmaster Dumbledore welcomed us back in the Great Hall, reminding us to finish the year strong. There were just so many familiar faces from the professors, house ghosts, classmates, and friends. I felt excited for tomorrow, ready to get back to my routine and classes. 

_ That's tomorrow, though. I should focus on the now.  _

So I did. I caught up with my mates, asking them how their holiday was, and they shared what they did and what gifts they got. This went on until curfew, where we were all ushered back to our dorms for bed. 

Once my head hits my pillow, I am out for the night into yet another dreamless slumber. 

Since our first day at Hogwarts, I was like clockwork, waking up at 6:30 each morning just as breakfast starts when I can enjoy a quiet meal. Instead, I woke up about an hour later.  _ Stars, I slept in a bit. Ugh, I guess I won't be seeing Severus until class.  _

Once I was ready, I immediately made my way to the Great Hall, where I enjoyed a coffee and a croissant. Breakfast today was on a lighter side since I wanted to avoid the crowd, plus I didn't really feel that hungry. 

From that point, my day was just like any other. This Monday, my schedule is DADA with Hufflepuff, HoM with Slytherin, Transfig, and Charms with Gryffindor, finishing the day with Astronomy with Slytherin. After HoM, there's a reasonable break period. During these times, Severus and I met in our study corner. Hopefully, he'll be there. It'll be the only chance I have to talk to him outside of class. I already missed my opportunity at breakfast by sleeping in. 

In DADA, we began the lesson by reviewing over gnomes and doxies before we'd move onto gargoyles and hangs. I found it odd since we already learned about the stone sculptures on our first day at HoM. Like Professor Binns, Professor Vonner recommends speaking with Muggles Studies Professor Morelli for an in-depth analysis on the Muggle perspective regarding the grotesque style statues and their myths. Since it's only a suggestion, I decided to pass out on it. 

Before our break and midterms, we had just finished studying two parts of Asia in HoM. Professor Binns, Hogwart's only ghost professor, taught the early recordings of Asia and its magic. We learned how the Sumerian people were the first to create potions, excelling particularly in the healing and defensive spectrum. In the old ages, people who wielded magic were revered as gods, which early men couldn't understand but accepted anyway. Many cases of this involved epic heroes as they called them, such as Gilgamesh, who was actually a wizard. 

Part two of Asian magic history really got Professor Binns fired up because he admired the nomads and Huns. He expresses his personal opinion, saying they were among the most underappreciated witches and wizards. We had to interrupt him on several occasions to remind him we needed to start our lesson on the African history of magic during this time. By the time we got the phantom to begin the new study, we only managed to get a few brief discussions out before we were dismissed. 

Now was our break period before finishing the rest of my lessons. I was practically skipping my way to the library toward our little corner. Of course, I didn't really realize it until Madam Pince told me there was no running or bouncing in the library. 

_ Our favorite spot. _ It was quiet, secluded, and had just the right amount of natural light. Here we went about our business undisturbed. No one was there when I arrived— unsurprising since it was usually vacant, only ever occupied by myself or the Slytherin.  _ I suppose Severus is a bit late. I'm sure he'll be here soon.  _

I went ahead and made myself comfortable. My belongings lay across the desk. My book on Flamel and alchemy lays open before me.  _ Guess I have time to read this while I'm waiting. _

The book is divided into two parts. Part one was on the famed French alchemist himself, while part two was everything regarding alchemy. There were even depictions and notes of Flamel's writing in his mother language. 

The second half began with an introduction to alchemy, then asking 'what is alchemy?' From there comes notes of when alchemy first originated. The book had numerous listings, including significant symbols and dates. There is an overwhelming amount of information before me. Half of it made my head spin as I read passages twice. 

"Troubling read, Miss Black? A familiar calm, assertive, gentle male voice surprised me. Bolting upright in my seat, I turned my head upward to see it was the headmaster himself. "Professor Dumbledore!" It was not every day you expect to see the most powerful wizard before you, especially a busy one. Behind his half-moon glasses, I stare at the spark of kindness and mischief in his soul-piercing blue eyes. "Sorry, sir. I was merely reading a book on both Nicolas Flamel and alchemy." I flatten my ribbon bookmark in place before shutting the tome. "Ah, yes, Nicolas Flamel. It has been quite some time since anyone has mentioned him." Dumbledore hums as he stands beside me with his arms clasped behind his back. 

"Do you know him? Nicolas Flamel, Professor?" It was at that moment I caught a glimpse of a shine in his eyes. "I do. Flamel is a dear old friend." 

_ Wow. Dumbledore is already famous, but he has a personal connection to a legend such as Flamel? Stars. He truly is a legend himself.  _ "Wow.. that... that's bloody brilliant," my breath hitches. 

The older wizard moved, sitting on the edge of the desk with his hand draped on his lap. "Is there something you wish to ask me, (Y/N)?" It was like he could just sense it.  _ Yeah. I do what to ask a question.  _

"Do you... does that mean you know alchemy, too?" It felt like a silly question to ask. I was sure he knew alchemy, but I couldn't help it, and it was too late to take it back. The headmaster chuckles softly. I sunk in my seat a bit, feeling embarrassed. "I am well versed in many aspects of magic, alchemy included. Flamel and I have partnered on several projects."  _ Of course, he is. I knew it. Albus Dumbledore is a skilled potioneer. Not to mention he even wrote the book on the 12 uses of dragon's blood! So it would make sense for him to be knowledgeable in alchemy since it is considered a subset of potions.  _

"Now, I must ask you something in return, my dear." 

"Of course Professor, anything." 

"Are you interested in the art of alchemy?"  _ Am I interested? Stars. There is no doubt about it. I would like to be as well versed in the field of alchemy as Dumbledore and Flamel.  _ "Of course, sir." I nod. 

Hogwarts' headmaster sat there, thinking in silence. It didn't last long, though, since a sound snapped him out of his trance. He rose from his makeshift chair, giving me one last smile. "I do hope you enjoy your reading, Miss Black. If you are still serious and passionate on the matter, then perhaps after you graduate, you shall continue your alchemical pursuits." He winks before turning as Madam Pince appeared. The two adults had left me alone in my corner once again as they headed to the restricted session. My unexpected interaction with Hogwart's headship left me curious and filled me with questions regarding our brief conversation. The scenario replayed in my mind, but I couldn't help but always focus and linger on that wink.  _ There is more to it, I'm sure. What could it have meant, though? _

Much to my disappointment, Severus hadn't shown up at all.  _ Maybe he was busy and was unable to tell me—another obstacle in my way. Astronomy is my last chance. If I'm lucky, perhaps I can steal him from his partner. Only two and a half hours until then. Make it through charms and transfiguration.  _

Before the holiday, Professor Flitwick instilled the importance of concentration. Still, today he will be going over the application of willpower. He stressed that there  ** is ** a difference between the two. Concentration is how we want and expect a spell to react, while will is the driving force that makes it happen. 

Then for the practical portion, we revisit our first lesson, levitation. Not only was it a refresher, but we will also be learning the sticking charm and its counterspell. The professor also mentions that it should be easy since it is our own magic. While it will require more effort to counter another person's spell. With that being said, after only ten minutes since we've started, the Charms master had to counter many sticking spells. Things were stuck all over the classroom, body parts included. There was a wary look on the short man that could be mistaken as anger. Still, if you knew the professor, you'd see he is just too kind to get angry, especially at something as simple as this. 

Eventually, after everyone had performed the charm and its counterspell twice, we switched classes to transfiguration. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw students ushered themself out, quickly going about their ways to the second half of the course. While everyone left, I lingered in the classroom, waiting until it was the professor and me. 

"Miss Black! Is there something I can do for you?" The short wizard stood on one of the several stacks of books lying around, addressing me as he waved his wand to sort out the room. When he turned towards me, there was a smile on his face. Kind and inviting, although it was funny since his mustache covers his upper lip, so all you can see is his teeth. 

"Yes, if you have a moment, professor." Flitwick jumps down from the books, moving behind them towards his desk, where he motioned for me to follow. 

"So, what did you wish to talk about?" Behind his desk were more piles of tomes, making a makeshift chair for him. "Well, I am aware of your previous title of being a duelist champion and that you are the supervisor of the dueling club. So, I thought I'd inquire about joining next year."

The tiny wizard looks up to me since I tower over him. "Of course! The more, the merrier, you should be able to defend yourself, Miss Black. Was that all?" 

"Um... no, I wanted to ask you something else. Is there a possibility we might meet together as a sort of apprenticeship training of sorts?" I couldn't help but fidget with my hands, pushing and popping on my knuckles.  _ Please say yes.  _ The former duelist hadn't expected this as lines appeared on his forehead. It was silent for a moment and intense with dark eyes analyzing me. "I see. While I do admire your interest in learning how to duel and participate in a club, I do not believe it's a good idea, Miss Black." That wasn't the answer I was hoping for. 

"Professor, please, I think you should reconsider." Flitwick gave an apologetic look, but I have to try. "This is something quite important to me. I want- no, I have to do this." As if he was interested, he leaned forward with his hands folded. "Alright, why is this so important to you?"  _ To wizards and witches, learning how to duel is essential. Everyone should be able to protect themselves and those they love.  _

"Why it's so important to me should be important to any wizard or witch, professor. The ability and capability to protect myself, but most importantly, the people I love. Magic is an extension of ourselves, a part of ourselves. It should hold no power above us. We should be able to understand it and control it to the best of our capabilities. While I know we will never truly master magic, we can try at the very least, and that's what I'll do." There was this fire in me that ignited once I started. Something that Flitwick hadn't even expected, at least not from me. 

My head of house sat there, wide-eyed just before regaining his composer. "You surprise me, Miss Black. Frankly, I hadn't expected this from you. I admire your passion and resolve. It would be an honor to help you. By next year, if you still wish to learn, we will begin your tutorship." 

The charms master pulled out a tin container from his desk before dismissing me, revealing inside a colorful assortment of saltwater taffies. A pocket full of taffy and an accepted tutorship, today has been a good day. There was an overwhelming feeling of joy that I couldn't help but express through a hum. Luckily, I made it to class just before McGongugall had arrived. 

"Welcome back, students. I trust everyone had a delightful holiday. Now, before we begin, I shall be handing back your midterms." The stack of papers on the professor's desk flew all over the classroom. The pieces looked like a snowstorm as they whirled around the room, flying towards the respective students. 

"Today, we shall be learning the smoke to dagger spell. Seeing as we will be working with weapons," the mistress of transfiguration clears her throat as she glanced at a specific group of Gryffindor boys. "I trust and would hope no persons attempt anything with these daggers. Lest you wish to lose significant house points, and surely you do not want to spend your evening with me. So, everyone's daggers will remain on their daggers at all time." Her lips had pursued together in her signature look, eyeing her students to ensure we understood. 

"Good. As I've mentioned, we will be working with smoke, so it shall be a bit hard to see, but you all should manage fine." From the tip of her wand, a smoke had seeped out, filling the room in a grey fog. At any time one uses transfiguration, it is essential to keep in mind the five senses. It helps visualize what you're trying to transform. 

I found this exercise very much like cloud-watching. How a person sees and finds objects in unrelated objects. Once we saw the dagger, we moved our wands in a circle around the smog, reciting the incantation of 'fumos lamina.' Chants and the clattering of blades echoed throughout the room.

Profesor McGongugall hovered over the mischievous boys. She held little to no trust in them, specifically during this lesson. Our current task isn't challenging, especially after doing the matchmaker since they both required the same significant amount of concentration. Well, that is, if you were adept at the former task, that is. 

Yet, I was unable to retain the necessary concentration at the moment. I felt preoccupied with earlier events from my exchange with Dumbledore and my itching curiosity regarding Severus. No doubt he was okay. I was sure about it. Still, I couldn't help but worry. After all, what are friends for? Friends care for one another. Whether or not he feels we are friends or not is up for debate, but to me, he is my friend. 

I sat idly lost in my head for most of the class while using my wand to lazily draw shapes within the smoke. "Having difficulties, Miss Black?" The sudden question made me jump in my seat.  _ Had she been beside me long? I hadn't heard her walk by... _ "No. Not at all, professor." I forced an awkward smile. "If you are certain." Her gaze lingered for a moment before walking off.  _ I should be focusing on class... even though it's tough to do so.  _ Halfheartedly I eventually managed to make a dagger just before we were dismissed. 

My last class of the day is Astronomy with Professor Creighton and Slytherin. There are conflicting feelings about this course. Initially, I thought we would simply focus on the celestial bodies and constellation. We are, but there is actually more to it than just that. The part that I dread is considering things like A.M.E., the distance of light, and the bloody chart. Mostly the calculation portions we have to make. 

As a result, I didn't fare too well in class. Someone can ask me to name all the celestial bodies and to point out each of the constellations. I can do it with no problem. The moment you ask me to fill in the charting or the distance of light and the shadow it produces? I'd be ready to fling myself into the Black Lake! Honestly, that sounds so much better than trying to do that. 

Xenophilius and Pandora try their best to help me, but they could only do so much. Their explanation and chart work had made some sense, but not enough. Our long-legged, podgy professor though he appears intelligent, is lazy and doesn't heed us, his students. 

Dead. Monotonous. That is how Professor Creighton spoke, merely droning whether or not we were listening, nor would he go back. So, our classes eventually would just make small groups, trying to help one another fill in the gaps. How accurate most of the information they have gotten, though, is concerning. There was perhaps only one person in this course who already knew everything; it is also the same person who often worked alone.  _ Severus Snape. _

Naturally, I sat with Xeno and Pandora plus friends. Yet, today I opted to sit away from the class with the ravenette. All of the lessons I see Severus in, he usually sat in the room's furthest corners, avoiding just about everyone. Lily being his only exception. Lately, though, I've noticed that he has tolerated me being around.  _ Or maybe he just didn't bother to say anything. Not that it did him much good in the past since you just bug him.  _ **_ Ignoring me like the first times didn't work, so there's no point in even trying, much less trying to push me away. Not after those little breakthroughs...  _ **

There's the slight tug in the back of my mind that he didn't consider me his friend, not really, but more so an endurable classmate and adequate study partner.  _ Not that he really needs a study partner, given his brilliance. _ _ Never did I ask if we were friends, though. Not in awhile.  _

"Hello, Severus" I slid down, sitting by the writing boy, who glanced at me out of the corner of his dark eyes.  _ That right there was part of the breakthrough I was talking about. He actually acknowledges me now because he wouldn't have wasted his time even glance at me before. Every interaction we have, there is almost always some sort of progress made.  _

"Did you have a good break? Also, you weren't at the library, so is everything okay? Just you're usually always there." He sighs and setting his quill down before pinching the bridge of his nose. "It was adequate. I've already told you that I don't care much about holidays since they are just another day. People are just trying to find a reason to 'celebrate.' As for our sessions, I have other things to do than to always meet with you. Today I just so happened to be busy." His explanation was calm and rather matter-of-fact.  _ Is he trying to distance himself? I thought we were already past this stage.  _ "Oh, right... Of course. Obviously, you don't have to always show up." 

I felt uncomfortable and rigid as I was sitting. It felt awkward. There was no way I could let this stop me from reaching out to him. "So... hopefully, whatever you had to do went smoothly." 

"Severus?" He made an acknowledging sound. "Do... Could we perhaps study together again sometime... soon?" Snape looks up at me once more but silently with an intense stare that made me squirm. Under his watch, it feels like I've been waiting an eternity in purgatory.  _ What is he thinking? _

_ Most importantly, what is he going to say? Is.. is probably going to stop our meetings?  _ His face contorts with frustration and slight anger, "Did you think we were stopping these meetings? If that's what you think, you are sadly mistaken, but if you really want to, then do note, I won't help you again. As if you've also had anything better to do." 

_ Compared to earlier, Severus was calm and collected, but now he was kind of mean. Yet, it seemed like he also didn't want us to stop... Or am I just misinterpreting it?  _

"No! I don't. I mean, I didn't want us to stop anyway, but I don't want you to think you have to. It seemed like you maybe wanted to stop?" 

My discomfort seemed to have delighted him, thriving off of it actually. Our eyes locked onto each others' gaze like magnets—a look of skepticism, neither one of us said anything further. There was a rush of hope and glee because, at this moment, I could tell he is actually looking at me. 

Since that day, the rest of the year came and went. Our meetings, as we've discussed, continued like usual. For me, that was when I finally felt right and back into my routine. I'd never want to change it. My first year was enjoyable, memorable despite some rockiness and Astronomy making my life more difficult. 

Most people typically are overjoyed for the summer, but I felt the opposite. The home was unbearable after spending most of my time at the school. My parents, the unusual nature of my relationship with Sirius, and a recent conversation I overheard were significant factors. 

And yet, here I am at Malfoy manor because today is Narci's wedding. She had bestowed the honor of flower girl to me, something I didn't think I'd do, but here I am. A couple years older than the aver flower girl, wearing a knee-length dusty blue dress with silvery floral laces adorning the breast and hemline. This was handpicked personally by Narci, and I have to admit that I actually like it. 

Surprisingly, the couple is having a garden wedding. Considering how snobbish both our families are, I had assumed it would have been in some grand, over-the-top place. Guess they just decided to use the abundance of space their space has... For once. 

_ Holy Stars...  _ When you look at the arrangement, the setup is quite beautiful. After stepping outside and down the stone steps, one could see a large banquet set in the courtyard center. Wooden panels cover the grass, which supports the massive canopy. The top, dripping down, were sheer lace fabric, flora, and fauna with light fixtures hanging overhead. Thick white curtains were tied to the canopy's support beams, ready to be dropped for added privacy if needed. The wedding party's table had been arranged in a 'U' shape. On the opposite side of the family table is the stage for the band for the reception. Everything here besides objects like the plants was white and gold. 

Beyond here is a floral archway that had a sheer fabric curtain as well. Past the threshold were more wooden panels, but they differed from the ones at the banquet space. The pathway led down to where the main event would occur, along the sides where multiple rows of chairs with plants at each entry. My favorite thing in their wedding space is where they'd stand for the ceremony. Above them would be a canopy of hanging white wisterias, and there was just something about them that made them surreal.  _ If and when I get married, I'd like it to be under a canopy of wisterias... Though I'd enjoy it better if it were a marriage of love...  _ **_ Of course, that is wishful thinking since I would be offered up like a piece of meat. Forced into an arranged marriage to maintain the bloody "blood purity."  _ **

_ Not like thinking about it helps... At the moment, I cannot do anything about it other than to wait and see. Focus on the now—Narci's wedding. _

_ Speaking of, when is the ceremony going to start? Clearly not anytime soon with the adults droning on and on about nonsense... Guess we'll be here ALL day. If that's the case, I might as well get myself acquainted with Lucius's home and find some sort of entertainment.  _

As I've stated, Malfoy Manor is spacious, too much, so even the endless halls were long and wide. In fact, any to all knickknacks lying about just seemed like tchotchkes to fill the apparent emptiness—a futile attempt. 

Any persons I've passed were rushing, clearly busy with the upcoming union. The home felt more like a museum than a living space— elegant, posh, clean, but bland. 

My exploring ceased the moment I found the library. The dark wooden double doors shut themselves when I entered, leaving me alone in the dark study. Bookshelves towered over me. Each aisle I passed every row had been occupied with numerous texts. Gliding my fingers across each of the books' spines, I notice they were divided by subject matter then categorized by the author's name. Malfoy's collection is significant, almost if not besting Hogwarts's own library. 

After some time, my fingers came to a halt, hooking my finger at the top of a mahogany tome with golden details. The cover had strange but fascinating symbols decorated all over. At most, I knew it was subjected to transfiguration, which I later found was specifically about conjuration. It was an insightful read though partially complex like my alchemy book. I actually wasn't even aware of how long I've been reading. 

Clicking and clanking against the hardwood floor, looking up is the bride herself, Narcissa. She wore the most beautiful wedding dress with her hair pinned up with flowers and pearls before me. "You look magnificent, Narci." She chuckled lowly with a smirk, appreciating the praise.  _ This is going to be my best chance to ask her something I really need to know.  _ "So... are you excited?"  _ Given the circumstance of this union so does she or does she not love Lucius?  _

"Of course I am! Well... I must admit that I do feel a bit nervous. Though I have heard it is a natural feeling."  _ That's great and all, but that isn't exactly what I meant. Sigh. _

"I see... Well, my question, I was actually curious if you even have feelings for Lucius." Narci walks towards me, perching on the armrest of my seat. She sat there pursing her lips. 

"Well, at first, when I was told I'd be marrying Lucius, I was shocked, angry even. All I wanted to do was scream, plead, do anything but that. Despite that, as a Black, I knew I had an obligation to our family. Whether I like it or not, I had to go through with it. Of course, I found this out during our fifth year. At first, we hadn't gotten along. We'd argue over anything to everything. I mainly argued with him to express my disdain for the whole idea. In fact, I had hoped he'd reconsider." It felt hard to breathe.  _ Is this what's in store for me?  _

"After some time, I thought I've been successful in my attempts, but ultimately, he was actually just amused. So, another idea came to mind, why not ignore him? Initially, he thought I finally accepted the situation and warmed up to him. Of course, Lucius quickly caught on, and he did whatever he could so I would acknowledge him." She scoffs as it seems like she had just relived that moment. "The moment our sixth year was around, I cannot recall what changed, but I started to feel something for him. Those feelings made me seek him out, we only had that year and the next to know one another before the wedding, so I took it."  _ What could have caused this change? Perhaps there had always been a part of her that felt attracted to Malfoy. A fact she couldn't accept at the beginning.  _

"And look where we are now. If I am honest, compared to Bella, I am quite lucky. There is love between Lucius and me while she and Rodolphus...Their marriage is strictly professional. As expected of them, they married one another to maintain the blood purity." 

_ Although I asked simply out of selfishness, it is good to see Narcissa happy. Though I wonder if I will be as lucky as her and Lucius or end up like Bella and Rodolphus. Any hope I may have should be discarded because sometimes hope is just one's undiscovered disappointment...  _

"Does that answer your questions then? We should really get going now. I'd like to get married now, and there's no holding up the ceremony any further." So we left, going outside for the ceremony. 

Time came and went. The union was beautiful and enjoyable, and now we are here enjoying the reception. For the better part of the day, I simply kept to myself, only talking if it came from an unavoidable conversation from family or overly curious individuals. In fact, I kept trying to keep the discussion and future troubles out of my thoughts, yet they buzzed in the back of my mind.  _ How could I possibly ignore it and not think about it? Not when I am at a wedding. This could be mine in the next coming years. _

_ Only one key difference stands out between Narci's marriage and my future one... _

**_ Will I even love whoever is chosen for me? _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧ Lemme know what you think!


	9. Fourth year: Welcome Back | The Pen Pal Program

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time goes by without care after Narci's wedding, you are now in your fourth year! A brief reflection of what you've been doing those three years and bits of personal thinking you wouldn't dare say in the presence of a particular ravenette.  
> Like every other 1st of September comes the Sorting ceremony and the Start-of-term feast but Dumbledore makes a new announcement hinting new things to come for the years. For now, he's only said what one of the changes is. Pen Pals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, it is a little short and the beginning is quite different compared to the original, but hopefully, this is okay still! It all just came out and turned out this way. (question down below><)
> 
> I struggled with the last photo sorry if it looks weird! wanted to give a good visual. ><  
> Any and all mistakes are my own as my works are unbeta'd. ❤⃛

Since Narcissa's summer wedding, three years passed in a blink of an eye. In my second year, I immediately joined DC, which Flitwick and I would practice either before or after the meetings. The charms master is known for being amongst the kindest professors. While that is true, he was quite challenging during our session. Not that I can complain even if it is exhausting, I had asked for this, and I know Flitwick merely is pushing me, so I may be the best. 

On top of those lessons, I continued with my study sessions with Severus. Not that I wanted to stop, nor did it seem like he wanted to either after our conversation last year. However, that could change... 

I've also spent more time with Pandora, who often experimented and toyed with spells. This was something Severus, and I also did when we are in our little nook. It was there we'd work on our own magic together. 

If I had to pick out of all of those things I've done for the past few years, it would be the moments Severus and I were hidden away in our secluded corner. For the most part, we'd stick to our tasks quite seriously, yet there we still the occasional ghostly presence of mutual fondness. 

Here I learned more about the Slytherin from both observation and the moments he spoke. My cousin, Sirius, and his band of marauders (James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew) bully Severus daily. Not once have they called him by his name, always that stupid nickname 'Snivellus.' From there, they taunt, insult, pull pranks on him, just anything to make him miserable. 

Yet he never shows it. He doesn't need to say it because I can tell. There are just somethings you know deep in your soul, this I could say I knew. And it hurts seeing this. I've tried to get Sirius to bugger off, but it didn't do any good. 

In fact, to my cousin, it just solidified my protectiveness and care regarding the Slytherin. Something that disgusted Siri, his reasoning is clear to me, but still I hated it and found him childish. 

Honestly, we're already 15! Yet here he is taunting Snape over things like his hair. More often than not, his hair appears greasy, which the band of jokesters wonders if he's even heard of shampoo. To answer that, yes, he has indeed heard of shampoo and uses it. 

One reason that his hair is that way is due to spending too much time working on potions.  _ Obviously, other factors can cause oily hair, also.  _

One of the things in particular that I've learned was that he showers at night, preferably. I only knew this because I found him in our nook one evening for our session, and that's when I noticed. His hair wasn't as voluminous. In fact, compared to his usual wavy curtain of raven hair, it was slicked back, pushed behind his ears. Here you can fully see his face, unobscured and vulnerable.  _ Beautiful _ .

This is a side of Severus that not everyone saw— something I am lucky to see and wanted to keep this part of him to myself. Here amongst the strong scent of ink and old books, there was a new aroma. 

It came from  _ Him _ . 

Clearly, it came from him, especially after having a shower. A union of fresh, crisp mint tempered by a clean, citrusy fragrance of lemon added with an added mixture of aromatic medicinal, musty, soil-like scent. 

There came a wave of comfort just from his scent alone.  _ Did he always smell this wonderful? _ _ No... This is new... He often had an earthy, inky, and fume-y like odor. Most of which is caused by his excessive time around potions and consistent usage of ink. Honestly, both scents brought up a feeling of security... It's because it smells like him.  _

_ Of course, I'd never say this to his face! Stars. Snape would think me a weirdo... a bigger weirdo. But I hope I can always be around this fragrance— around him. I— _

"The very best of evenings to you! Now... to our new students, welcome, to our old students, welcome back! And yet another year full of magical education awaits you..." Looking up, I was sitting at Ravenclaw's table with all my housemates, both new and old. For a moment, I felt confused as to what we were doing only until I saw Dumbledore settled himself back in his grand chair did I realize.  _ The start-of-term feast. _ _ Right. _

The traditional feast is held every 1st of September to welcome students and wish everyone the best of luck for the year. From the looks of it, they had already finished the sorting ceremony and speech—both of which I overlooked. 

"Ah, it seems I have an announcement that I've forgotten." Heads turned towards the end of the Great Hall, watching the wizard stand before his podium. "There will be slight changes this year and the coming years. For now, I have sought out the other headmasters of several other wizarding schools with a proposal. One I'm sure you all might find agreeable. Pen pals!" 

_ Pen pals? That's an exciting change... _ Students muttered about the new news to one another, confused. "It has come to my attention that Hogwarts needs stronger connections with our fellow witches and wizards. Yet, that is not the only reason. With this new program, you shall open your eyes to new students and cultures— make new connections and friends. I strongly urge you all to participate... Now, everyone will be given one random pen pal. They will be from one of the several international wizardry schools. I am participating as well! That is all for now." 

There were mixed feelings regarding the newly established program. Professor Dumbledore is right though, Hogwarts can be isolating and lonely at times. So the idea of building a stronger connection between all the schools and students is grand. 

There are seven schools in the pen pal program. 

Beauxbatons Academy of Magic is located in southern France, a beautiful and prestigious school found in the Pyrenees mountains. Beauxbatons had many notable students from all over the years. However, their most significant student was the famous alchemist Nicolas Flamel, alongside his wife, Perenelle Flamel. 

The school is a gorgeous chateau surrounded by blooming gardens and fountains magically created from the surrounding mountains, at least from what I heard. Their dining hall is elegant, the food superb, and students would be serenaded by beautiful wood-nymphs as they ate. The splendor of the castle and its grounds were funded generously by the Flamels. 

_ What a dream to attend such a beautiful school, much less see.  _

Next was Castelobruxo, the Brazilian wizarding school is located within the Amazon rainforest in the north of Brazil. Supposedly the school is just as old as Hogwarts; it does share the same charm as our school, disguising itself as ruins to the Muggle eye. Students that attend Castelobruxo are incredibly advanced in the field of herbology and magizoology. They're even known to offer prevalent foreign exchange student programs. 

The third-largest wizarding school alongside Hogwarts and Beauxbatons is the Durmstrang Institute. Located in the far north reaches of Europe, this school accepted international students as far as Bulgaria though they did not admit Muggle-borns. This institute is notorious for incorporating the dark arts in its curriculum. 

Many Dark wizards have risen from Durmstrang... Although I do find the teaching of the Dark Arts provides a natural balance. Without the Dark, we know not of the Light. Everything would be too white, blinding us. Without the Light, the Dark would not exist. Everything would be shrouded in Darkness. Monsters and wickedness are birthed equally whether there is too much Light or too much Darkness. It is a necessary relative comparison, balance. 

_ They, too, have dark rumors about them just as much as the Slytherin students. Though I cannot say whether or not it is warranted...  _

_ Still, we've always associated Light as good while the Dark as evil. However, it is not always true. We merely believe approaching it is good. Both sides are equally flawed, and they, too, have their own hidden sins...  _

_ The only real difference between them is that one simply hides it better than the other...  _

_ But that's off-topic.  _

Continuing with the next school is Ilvermorny, which was the American version of Hogwarts. Stationed at Mount Greylock in the state of Massachusetts. Students like Hogwarts were sorted into one of four houses. The school's story is exciting as it started with two teachers and two students, a family. 

_ Makes me wonder if their houses have any strains or competitiveness like our Gryffindors and Slytherins...  _

Perhaps the smallest student body between all the wizarding schools is in the Japanese school for magic, Mahoutokoro. Japan's magic school is located at the topmost point of Minami Iwo Jima, a small volcanic island. 

The age of Mahoutokoro is left unrecorded, only described as ancient. It leaves the possibility that it might be the oldest wizarding school. Despite that, it was an ornate and exquisite palace. Its appearance resembles much like Himeji Castle. 

After the smallest school now comes, Uagadou, the Ugandan Educational magic institution, is the largest student body school. It can be found in the Mountains of the Moon or the Rwenzori Mountains in western Uganda. People who visit the African wizarding school often marvel at its structure, how it appears to simply float in mid-air due to the mist that shrouds it in the mountainside. However, they are known for their excellence in astronomy, alchemy, and self-transfiguration. African wizards, specially Uagadou students, cast spells by hand gesture rather than wands. 

_ Frankly, using wandless magic is impressive. Only with the simple gestures of the hand could they cast spells.  _

Lastly, there is the Russian school of Koldovstoretz. There isn't much known about the school. I am aware they have a student who entered a potions championship, and they play a unique version of Quidditch. Instead of broomsticks, students would fly on an entire uprooted tree. 

_ In a way, that sounds somewhat horrifying since I know how aggressive students can be with regular Quidditch. Think about it— imagine a giant tree crashing into you. Doesn't really scream fun, does it?  _

_ Regardless, becoming a pen pal to any student from one of these seven schools is fantastic enough. Every one of these institutes has its own uniqueness that it'd be exciting to learn!  _

_ So I wonder... where will my pen pal come from?  _

.˚ₓ

Readjusting to life back in Hogwarts became second nature. It's like I never really leave. Life is going by smoothly. 

While I'd love to take more classes together with Severus, it, unfortunately, didn't happen. He was insistent on taking Arithmancy, and with that, he took Ancient Runes and care of magical creatures. I, too, took Ancient Runes and CMC but opted out of Arithmancy. There was absolutely no way I'd work with more charts! Astronomy tables were enough. Xenophilius and Pandora often assisted me at the start of the year with the chart work. It helped a bit. Only after having sessions with Severus did I genuinely improve. As much as I wanted us to take more classes together, I didn't want to be so reliant on Severus... As a result, I took Divination, a study Severus outright said was bullshit and a waste of time. Muggle Studies wasn't an option for Severus... He hated everything to do with it...  _ even if he were to take it, I doubt his 'so-called' friends would take that too keenly...  _

_ Something I found humous is the thought of Snape taking CMC. If you really think about it, though, it makes sense. The course is relative to potions in certain aspects.  _

_ Maybe it was just the thought of Snape around animals? He seems like he might be a cat person— a bat person even! Hehe. _

Most of my time was spent in the dungeons, whether for DC purposes or only seeing Snape. Or lingering up the Astronomy Tower, looking down. Sometimes I still went to the Black Lake, a favorite place Lily went to, especially with her Gryffindor friends. My favorite spot outside was the tree I sat on my first year, the tree where Severus and I were to have a meeting. I still hung around her down there by the banks of the dark, icy waters where we'd roll up our sleeves, toss our robes onto the grass, and kick off our shoes to play in the water. 

The pleasantness was always brief and fleeting. Spending time with girls was lovely and a change of pace, but I couldn't help the inevitable sinking feeling inside. As much as I try, I knew I'd never fit in. Not with them. How could I? All of them were Gryffindors except for me, the only Ravenclaw. I only listened for most of their conversations because I was out of the loop— they also wouldn't really fill me in, but I still couldn't fit in when they did. 

_ Perhaps it's just me, but it feels like Lily has changed... Suddenly, she wore her hair up in pigtails that were held together by mismatching ribbons. I always liked her hair down, even the moments she left a single braid. It wasn't just a physical change, though. The majority of her time was spent with her friends, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, and Alice.  _

_ Don't get me wrong, I love that Lily is making all these new friends, but I couldn't help but feel forgotten. Often it felt like she was slowly moving away from my reach, even Severus's... her best friend and childhood mate.  _

_ She was still around at times, but she felt more like an echo of the past, like a ghost...  _

_ I don't understand what happened— what is happening...  _

_ Do you, Lily?  _

.˚ₓ

I never said anything to her, though, not like she said anything back either...  _ C'est la vie, la vie continue...  _

Life as it did, went on. 

Though I couldn't say, it hadn't become odd. 

I mean... it isn't every day you see a giant rooster about the size of a dog. Precisely one with a large, fiery red cockscomb that spat out bright flames to match. It had a glow to it. The bird's eyes were a glowing yellow, and its feathers were a rainbow while its tail was predominantly teal. When it would beat its wings against the wind, an odd sound was made— ** basa basa.  **

On its backside, with further inspection, was a large sack that had beautiful letters of intricate oriental designs on them. 

There was a hippogryph lying on the grass by the rainbow feathered bird, and it too had its own sack. As the hippogryph shook its head, something around its neck caught a glimmer of light. It was a collar. The elegant logo was the same as the sack by it.  _ Beauxbatons. _

_ Looks like our pen pal letters have arrived then.  _

There was only one more bird. Compared to the two, this bird radiated power and authority. The majority of its feathers were black though the tips faded to white accented with blue. Its eyes were intimidating, a soul-piercing white that crackled lightning. It seemed to come within and at moments encompass its form. 

_ There isn't a doubt this majestic creature could destroy whatever with a single flap of a wing. Leave thunderstorms in its wake...  _

While the other birds had sacks, this bird had a large woven basket—no doubt more letters. 

_ I am confident they'll pass the letters out via owls from the owlery during mail time. No way any of the three could sort these out. Plus, I am sure someone would find a way to anger the large messenger birds... Something the headmasters from other schools would not be pleased about...  _

Within the next couple of days, it seems I was correct as my letter had been delivered to me via owl during mail time. 

_ Wow. This is probably the most gorgeous letter I've ever seen.  _

The envelope was an off shade of white, ivory, I think. On the front, written with navy ink and the most elegant penmanship was my name. 

Turning the envelope over, the flap was secured by a golden seal with Beauxbatons Academy of Magic crest. With the utmost care, I slowly manage to lift the seal without breaking it or the envelope. 

Inside was a piece of ivory parchment folded up, waiting for me to unravel it. So I did. 

Dear Miss Black,

My name is Calsif L. Lamen, and for the pen pal program, as you can see, I have been chosen as your partner. I am looking forward to our coming exchanges. I suppose this is the part where I share some details about myself. 

As you have seen, I am a student at theFrench magic school Beauxbatons where I am in the fifth year. All subject matter is fascinating to me as someone who is continuously open to expanding one's knowledge. Though I find a particular fondness for potions and alchemy, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Divination. 

I am a native of France, hailing from the outskirts of the capital, Paris. An only child. My two interests outside of magic would be opera and books. A hobby of mine consists of walking the streets of Paris. When I have free time, I involve myself in charitable works. 

Hopefully, that was enough to paint an idea of me. 

I look forward to your response and the chance to know you more, Miss Black. To a strong friendship and program. 

Cordially yours,

Calsif L. Lamen

I couldn't help but smile after reading the letter. With luck, I had gotten a pen pal from the same institution I hoped for. Beauxbatons. Not to mention, we held similar academic interests. Though it was unexpected to see a fellow peer that enjoys the opera. It was a welcome change, though. Frankly, I, too, am looking forward to our exchanges. 

_ Calsif L. Lamen, huh? _

_ To a strong friendship and program.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ♡°◌̊ ῍̻̩✧ Lemme know what you think!  
> Also lately I keep thinking about doing a Loki fic.. (つω⊂* )  
> Or maybe a modern Kylo Ren? yay? nay? eeee!  
> I am considering discontinuing Yearning though. I can make a post on my Tumblr as to why. ; v ;  
> See you next time!


End file.
